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Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Humorous Quotes

“If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.”

Ifs Want Should Humor Inspiration Funny Humorous Comic Showers Comic Strips

Book:The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx

Source: The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx

“He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.”

Thinking Want Giving Liberty Humorous Give Me Independence Copies Tattoo Declaration Declaration Of Independence My Boyfriend

Author:Randy Glasbergen

“Matt Mason must be declared the poet laureate of the Midwest! No other native son celebrates the overlooked America, its unsung citizens (from the anonymous poets to the part-time English teachers), and its expansive indigenous landscape, as well as he does. Mason's poetry is humorous when he wants to be quirky, heartbreaking when he wants to be eloquent, and though he moves effortlessly into other moods and geographies, he always returns to his first and most enduring love (and to what he knows best)-his homeland.”

“If a person wants to be atheistic it's his God-given right to be an atheist.”

Ifs Want Persons Given Humorous Profound Atheist Insane Atheistic

Author:Mike Patton

“If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it, even if they don't know what it means.”

Ifs Thinking Knows Want Mean Kids School President Humorous

Author:Walt Kelly

“Look at Gleason in The Honeymooners. He was humorous but the way he lived wasn't really humorous. He was a bus driver. Who wants to be a bus driver? He didn't have any money and he was not famous. But despite that, the show is humorous.”

Way Want Looks Shows Humorous Despite Drivers Bus Bus Driver Honeymooners

Author:George Thorogood

“Good wine needs no bush, And perhaps products that people really want Need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.”

People Want Needs Looks Hard Tvs Products Humorous Sells Wine Advertising Why Not Pot Adverts Good Wine

Author:Ogden Nash

“Almost makes you want to go to jail out here, doesn't it?”

Want Stupid Humorous Jail

Author:William J. Clinton

“I believe he [Saddam Hussein] wants a better relationship with America.”

Want Believe America I Believe Stupid Humorous Saddam Hussein

Author:Louis Farrakhan

“Throughout most of my life, I raised tobacco. I want you to know that my own hands, all of my life, I put in the plant beds and transferred it! I hoed it! I've dug in it! I've sprayed it! I've chopped it! I've shredded it, spiked it, put it in the barn and stripped it and sold it!”

Knows Want Hands My Own Stupid Bed Humorous Plant Raised I Want You Tobacco Barns

Author:Al Gore

“Manage by objectives. Tell people exactly what you want them to do and then get out of their way.”

People Way Want Humorous Management What You Want Objectives Manage

Book:Effective Leadership

Source: Effective Leadership

“Eventually I would like to touch all the genres. I would like to do some detective stories, and I want to do a Western. I would want to do humorous Westerns.”

Want Stories Humorous Western Genre Detectives Gdp Detective Stories

Author:Sergio Aragones

“Our civilization has decided that determining the guilt or innocence of men is a thing too important to be trusted to trained men. When it wants a library catalogued, or the solar system discovered, or any trifle of that kind, it uses up its specialists. But when it wishes anything done which is really serious, it collects twelve of the ordinary men standing round. The same thing was done, if I remember right, by the Founder of Christianity.”

“Baby's room should be close enough to your room so that you can hear baby cry, unless you want to get some sleep, in which case baby's room should be in Peru.”

Want Should Children Enough Humor Kids Funny Sleep Rooms Cases Cry Baby Humorous Your Room Peru

Book:Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have Around the Home

Source: Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have Around the Home

“The Democrats believe that if God did not want them to raise taxes, He would not have created the Internal Revenue Service.”

Ifs Want Believe Humor Funny Party Republican Taxes Humorous Raises Democrat Internals Revenue

Author:Dave Barry