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Lol Quotes

“Another exit down the way,” Cristiano said as he brushed dirt off the big guy’s face. Blake caught his wrist, and without opening his eyes, said in a groggy slur, “Babe, I know you’ve been dying for an excuse, being in the throes of battle and all, so go ahead. You can give me mouth-to-mouth now.” He puckered his lips. Cristiano smiled. “I do not believe I am the ‘babe’ you are wishing to provide that no-doubt pleasurable as well as lifesaving feat.” Blake smiled wistfully. “Cristiano, that you?” “Yes, my brave friend, it is I.” “Honestly, dude, you are so pretty, I don’t think I’d mind.” Cristiano dropped his head back and laughed. We all joined him.”

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Book:Demons in Disguise
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“Something fell and George was off, barking like a mad dog. What if whoever is back there hurts him? Oh. My. Goodness. If I do die, I can do so happily now. That man’s eyes were so blue—and I swore they changed color. “I made a huge mistake,” Jake said as he took the leash off of George. “I said p-i-z-z-a out loud. And he took off at a fast jog all the way back here from the park right through Ms. Helen’s sprinklers down the street.” And then nothing…no words entered my brain. I sniffed and quickly nodded, like I was about to cry. “Okay. Right. Amen.” Then I forced myself to slow down and not run back to my seat.”

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Book:A Case for the Yarn Maker
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“Fuck off!” she snaps, slightly breathless as her legs shift back and forth in a desperate, primal bid to move. Despite her body’s compliance, her mouth still spews insults. “You sound like Raven.” I smirk before I can stop myself, continuing to brush my finger through her slick folds. Inhaling the scent of her arousal. “Nah. If I were Raven, I would be using a microscope to look into your vagina, searching for any bugs or trackers.”

TruthBugsLolRavenFuck OffUnhingedMicroscopeBro WhatTrackers
Book:Broken Phoenix
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“Tell me the story," said Fenchurch firmly. "You arrived at the station." "I was about twenty minutes early. I'd got the time of the train wrong." "Get on with it." Fenchurch laughed. "So I bought a newspaper, to do the crossword, and went to the buffet to get a cup of coffee." "You do the crossword?" "Yes." "Which one?" "The Guardian usually." "I think it tries to be too cute. I prefer The Times. Did you solve it?" "What?" "The crossword in the Guardian." "I haven't had a chance to look at it yet," said Arthur, "I'm still trying to buy the coffee." "All right then. Buy the coffee." "I'm buying it. I am also," said Arthur, "buying some biscuits." "What sort?" "Rich Tea." "Good Choice." "I like them. Laden with all these new possessions, I go and sit at a table. And don't ask me what the table was like because this was some time ago and I can't remember. It was probably round." "All right." "So let me give you the layout. Me sitting at the table. On my left, the newspaper. On my right, the cup of coffee. In the middle of the table, the packet of biscuits." "I see it perfectly." "What you don't see," said Arthur, "because I haven't mentioned him yet, is the guy sitting at the table already. He is sitting there opposite me." "What's he look like?" "Perfectly ordinary. Briefcase. Business suit. He didn't look," said Arthur, "as if he was about to do anything weird." "Ah. I know the type. What did he do?" "He did this. He leaned across the table, picked up the packet of biscuits, tore it open, took one out, and..." "What?" "Ate it." "What?" "He ate it." Fenchurch looked at him in astonishment. "What on earth did you do?" "Well, in the circumstances I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do. I was compelled," said Arthur, "to ignore it." "What? Why?" "Well, it's not the sort of thing you're trained for is it? I searched my soul, and discovered that there was nothing anywhere in my upbringing, experience or even primal instincts to tell me how to react to someone who has quite simply, calmly, sitting right there in front of me, stolen one of my biscuits." "Well, you could..." Fenchurch thought about it. "I must say I'm not sure what I would have done either. So what happened?" "I stared furiously at the crossword," said Arthur. "Couldn't do a single clue, took a sip of coffee, it was too hot to drink, so there was nothing for it. I braced myself. I took a biscuit, trying very hard not to notice," he added, "that the packet was already mysteriously open..." "But you're fighting back, taking a tough line." "After my fashion, yes. I ate a biscuit. I ate it very deliberately and visibly, so that he would have no doubt as to what it was I was doing. When I eat a biscuit," Arthur said, "it stays eaten." "So what did he do?" "Took another one. Honestly," insisted Arthur, "this is exactly what happened. He took another biscuit, he ate it. Clear as daylight. Certain as we are sitting on the ground." Fenchurch stirred uncomfortably. "And the problem was," said Arthur, "that having not said anything the first time, it was somehow even more difficult to broach the subject a second time around. What do you say? "Excuse me...I couldn't help noticing, er..." Doesn't work. No, I ignored it with, if anything, even more vigor than previously." "My man..." "Stared at the crossword, again, still couldn't budge a bit of it, so showing some of the spirit that Henry V did on St. Crispin's Day..." "What?" "I went into the breach again. I took," said Arthur, "another biscuit. And for an instant our eyes met." "Like this?" "Yes, well, no, not quite like that. But they met. Just for an instant. And we both looked away. But I am here to tell you," said Arthur, "that there was a little electricity in the air. There was a little tension building up over the table. At about this time." "I can imagine.”

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Author:Douglas Adams
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“What in the three worlds are you doing?” I took stock of the mess of torn pages scattered around me like the fanned-out train of a dress. “Making paper animals. I’m taking requests for the next ten minutes only.” “A spider.” “How about a horse?” “A caterpillar.” “Can I tempt you with a horse?” He stared at me, unimpressed. “A stag.” “I’m sorry, did you say horse?” He pressed a finger between his brows, pushing upward as he sighed. “A fucking horse, then.” I flung the mangled paper I had been holding at him. “Enjoy”

HorseStubbornRequestLolExasperationSpiderCaterpillarStagPaper Animals
Book:A Dream of Embers
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“There is no overtime, and I had to use the potion in the bathroom.” Valen’s cheeks begin to turn pink. Tisha hums. She already knows the story, but she’s not going to give up the details. I round on Valen. “Did you get caught spanking the monkey?” Dane snickers. “Valen squeezed his lemon at the airport?” “I did not squeeze my lemon or spank a monkey.” He huffs and crosses his arms. “If you must know, I had an incident with a breakfast croissant.” I pinch my eyebrows together. “You used your potion on someone who heard you take a crap?” His eyes narrow. “It was a bad croissant.”

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Book:Shadow Slayer
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“It’s okay,” Crash says with a light laugh. “She was all of the above.” “Please don’t elaborate on the nuts part,” I mutter, spearing Dane with a look when he snorts. “It’s not that funny.” Dane sucks in a breath. “I mean . . . it kind of is?” “You’re the worst. Crash is literally here, pouring out his broken heart, and you’re laughing about the woman being a squirrel.” “My heart is fully intact,”

RelationshipsWomanParanormalHeartbrokenLolImmatureShifterSquirrelCant Stop Laughing
Book:Twilight Terrors
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“I’m Ciara. Sorry, Rosalina,” she says, voice low and sultry. “I’m needy. He sent me here before I even finished, you know.” “Who sent you here?” “The Prince of Thorns,” Ciara, Astrid, and Marigold all say at the same time. I gape at them. “Wait, what? You were mid-bang with Caspian then he used his weird horny-thorny magic to send you here? And this isn’t the first time he’s done it?” Ciara runs her hands through her hair. “Why are the most beautiful men the most fucked?”

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Book:Bonded by Thorns
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“You are full of… horse feathers, cowboy." Leaning over him, she stared hard into his eyes. "I didn't work like a damned dog out there and freeze my butt off—excuse me, Sunshine—so we could just let those damned—'scuse me, Sunshine—stupid cows starve or freeze. And we aren't going to find a buyer for them now, that's for damned sure—excuse me, Sunshine.”

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Book:Silver Lining
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“You are sweet and docile and dumb.” I recoil. “Excuse me?” She smirks. “Another role to play. You’re very good at playing roles.” I’m tempted to look at Søren, who’s too busy rowing to talk but can certainly hear every word. “Let them believe you are dim,” Artemisia continues. “The King, his court, your suitors. If they believe you to be an idiot, they will underestimate you. Let them.”

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Book:Lady Smoke
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“Spiros and the other guards move in front of us, clearing a path to the gangway—a thick wooden plank leading from our ship to theirs. The sight of it makes my stomach clench and I imagine all the ways I could topple off it. Spiros crosses first, the plank rattling beneath his feet with each step he takes, though he hardly seems to notice it. He’s done this before, of course. So has Søren—I’m the only one new at this. “If it helps,” Søren murmurs to me, “I’ve never seen anyone fall off a gangway unless someone pushed them.” “Thank you,” I reply dryly, before taking my first step onto the rickety plank.”

LolTheodosiaSørenNot HelpfulPlank
Book:Lady Smoke
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“You have terminated me,” one of them said in a strange, flat voice. “But I am one of many.” “Robots!” Iggy breathed, taking Total from Angel. “One of many, one of many, one of many,” the robot Eraser was saying. Now Nudge saw the red light in its eyes, saw how they were fading and winking out. “Good!” spat the Gasman, kicking it hard. “Because we like to blow stuff up, blow stuff up, blow stuff up!”

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Author:James Patterson
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