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Famous Dana Gould Quotes
“There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.”
“If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.”
“I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.”
“How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?”
“The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.”
“The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.”
“What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.”
“That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again.”
“Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.”
“I was born an emotional tampon in a cauldron of dysfunction.”
“When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.”
“My first open mic was fantastic. I crushed. And my second mic was as bad as my first one was good.”