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Famous Dana Gould Quotes
“If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.”
“I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.”
“I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.”
“I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.”
“I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.”
“Having sex with a dead grammar teacher is a violation of past tense usage.”
“My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.”
“I would think, if you were horny enough, there'd come a time when it was hos before bros.”
“Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.”
“Dogs: the best friend you will ever have that pees on your couch and stays your friend.”
“You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.”
“This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.”
“It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.”
“Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.”
“If I masturbate while Googling myself, which part is more redundant?”
“If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.”