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Famous Dana Gould Quotes
“One of the coolest things about the word boobs is, when you look at it, it has boobs.”
“Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.”
“There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.”
“If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.”
“I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.”
“There's something profoundly disturbing about watching an old guy eat a sandwich.”
“There's a big difference between poll workers and pole workers. Sadly.”
“Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.”
“I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.”
“I'll never be alone, because I'll always have My Problems with me!”
“In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting Hey, you! at airplanes.”
“Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.”
“Common sense dictates the term hot fudge sundae has a totally different meaning in prison.”
“Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.”
“59% of all suicides are actually botched murder-suicides performed by dyslexics.”
“The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.”
“Always think twice before asking anything of anyone that ends in the words, on your face.”
“Can you have a seance to summon the ghost of a dead zombie?”