“I can say that. I have a television show.” I CanShowsHumorFunnyTelevisionTelevision Shows Author:Daniel Tosh
“A white lady came running up to me after a show. She goes, What gives you the right to do jokes about black people like that. And I'm like, Listen lady, my best friend is Cuban. And that's close enough.” PeopleGivingEnoughShowsRunningBlackWhiteJokesBlack PeopleMy Best FriendCuban Author:Daniel Tosh
“Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.” IfsWritingShowsHateHeavenStuffNumbersTvsRegretJokesFeministFiftyShadeGreyChokeNo RegretsHate MeFifty ShadesShades Of Grey Author:Daniel Tosh
“I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.” PeopleFeelsBelieveI CanCountryReasonShowsKidsSportsWhiteCitiesRichCostAssumingWinterRelevantOlympicsShow MeSkiingInner CityWinter Olympics Author:Daniel Tosh
“Comedy Central wanted to do a show with me, I had a couple failures under my belt with them already, but they still wanted to try something else. They came to me and said they wanted to do something that was internet focused and created original content on their site, so they could compete with the funny or dies and what not. So that was the premise, and they gave us a small amount of money, $5000, and from there it turned into the show.” TryingSaidStillsShowsWantedDiesComedyAmountCoupleInternetOriginalsFocusedSiteBeltsPremisesSmall AmountsFunny Or Die Author:Daniel Tosh
“Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.” ShowsHumorFunnyParentComedyAshamedSan FranciscoClapping Author:Daniel Tosh
“I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.” WantLooksShowsHumorFunnyFacesCuttingPersonalityAppearanceExtremesPlasticSurgeryPlastic SurgeryStaplesOuter Appearance Author:Daniel Tosh
“Here’s what I tell people now when they come to my shows: “First of all, thank you for stimulating the economy, or at least my economic package.”” PeopleFirstsShowsFunnyEconomyEconomicJokesPackages Author:Daniel Tosh
