Home / Authors / Daniel Tosh

Daniel Tosh Quotes

Comedian

Daniel Tosh is an American comedian, writer, and television host. He is known for his unique sense of humor and satirical commentary, best known for his work on the TBS comedy show 'Daniel Tosh Show'.

Filter quotes by topic

All Jokes Funny Ifs Knows Humor People Men Thinking I Can Kids Stills Comedy Girl Want Black Shows Two Dies Littles Looks

Famous Daniel Tosh Quotes

“If I offend anybody tonight, I apologize. That's not my intention. I'm not going to guess what your personal line of decency is; I cross my own from time to time - it's how I know I still have one.”

Ifs Knows Stills Lines My Own Crosses Intention Tonight Apologizing Decency I Apologize

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Even people who don't believe in science still have to believe in gravity.”

People Believe Stills Don't Believe Gravity

Author:Daniel Tosh

“No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.”

Stills Two Matter Sides Flats Two Sides Pancakes

Author:Daniel Tosh

“You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.”

Stills Accepting Acceptance Awful Sense Of Humor

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Making a good music video isn't easy. If it were, MTV would still be showing them instead of '16 and Pregnant,' which I assume is shot exclusively in Utah.”

Ifs Stills Easy Shots Assuming Video Pregnant Mtv Utah

Author:Daniel Tosh

“This is what I say to the most conservative person that's so terrified of gay marriage becoming legal. Just because the state says it's legal, it's not like God's going to let them into Heaven. So you can still sleep sound every night knowing that goal line defense is up at the pearly gates.”

Persons Stills States Night Heaven Sound Goal Lines Sleep Knowing Becoming Gay Conservative Defense Gates Every Night Terrified Gay Marriage Pearly Gates

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Comedy Central wanted to do a show with me, I had a couple failures under my belt with them already, but they still wanted to try something else. They came to me and said they wanted to do something that was internet focused and created original content on their site, so they could compete with the funny or dies and what not. So that was the premise, and they gave us a small amount of money, $5000, and from there it turned into the show.”

Trying Said Stills Shows Wanted Dies Comedy Amount Couple Internet Originals Focused Site Belts Premises Small Amounts Funny Or Die

Author:Daniel Tosh

“The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing. You can get a lot of television deals that don't go anywhere, but you still get paid.”

Stills Deals Failing Television Paid Towns Great Things Los Angeles

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower.”

Ifs Knows Stills Funny Water Cold Jokes Girlfriend Showers My Girlfriend Immature Dump Cold Water

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.”

Stills Funny Film Plans Heard Havens Proud Jokes Awful Branches Awards Mike Guru

Author:Daniel Tosh

“Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.”

Stills Humor Funny Parent Jokes Adults Parks Shock Hanging Out Skates Bad Parent

Author:Daniel Tosh

About the Author

Born: May 29, 1975
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 196

Books & Sources

Similar Authors

Mitch HedbergBrowse related quotes
Steven WrightBrowse related quotes
Jimmy CarrBrowse related quotes
Demetri MartinBrowse related quotes
Dylan MoranBrowse related quotes
Chris RockBrowse related quotes
Bill BaileyBrowse related quotes
Frankie BoyleBrowse related quotes
Milton JonesBrowse related quotes
Chic MurrayBrowse related quotes