“I think pro-athletes should be forced to use steroids. I think we as fans deserve the greatest athletes science can create! Lets go! Anything that will make you run faster, jump higher! I have High-Definition TV! I want my athletes like my video games! Lets go! I could care less if you die at 40. You hate life after sports anyways. I'm doing you a favor.” IfsThinkingWantShouldUseCareRunningHateDiesGamesSportsFansTvsHigherLetting GoDeserveAthleteDefinitionsFavorsVideoFasterDoing YouSteroidGreatest AthleteCould Care LessHate LifeHigh DefinitionPro Athlete Author:Daniel Tosh
“The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships; it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.” ThinkingFeelsLittlesKidsRaceAdviceYouthCuteLittle Kid Author:Daniel Tosh
“I think it's kinda funny that all these rappers that used to be gangsters and thugs are telling us not to download their music from the internet, because that's stealing. Wow talk about ironic.” ThinkingUsedInternetStealingUsed To BeIronicWowRapperGangstersThugDownloads Author:Daniel Tosh
“I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'” PeopleThinkingWantLittlesSportsBlackHolyBlack PeopleCowsBobAnnouncers Author:Daniel Tosh
“I think boxers are the greatest athletes in all sports for the simple fact that they don't cry. That is mind-blowing. Have you ever been punched in the nose? Oh my gosh, it hurts so bad. They have to go back to corner, where some little man yells at them. 'Shut up, I just got punched in the face!'... If I was a boxer, do you know who I would hire as my corner man? My mom.” IfsThinkingKnowsMenMindLittlesFactsFacesSportsHurtSimpleCryMomAthleteCornersMy MomNosesDo You KnowShut UpIt HurtsBoxersMind BlowingLittle ManGreatest AthleteOh My Gosh Author:Daniel Tosh
“Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think "how can you make a joke about this?"” ThinkingKnowsTryingHappensJokesBarsLocalsHorribleSalsaBurritos Author:Daniel Tosh
“I guess it could be seen as a form of rebellion, but (my dad) is pretty supportive. He's knows I'm just an idiot, so I think that softens it a little bit.” ThinkingKnowsLittlesFormBitsDadLittle BitMy DadIdiotRebellionSupportive Author:Daniel Tosh
“I wasn't a pain in the ass when I was a kid. So I think being a screw-up as an adult is way more acceptable.” ThinkingWayKidsPainAdultsAssAcceptableScrewsScrew Ups Author:Daniel Tosh
“I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'” IfsThinkingWayYearsDumbTattoo Author:Daniel Tosh
“I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.” ThinkingHumorFunnyCausesSunJokesCapri Author:Daniel Tosh
“If you had to eat another human to survive, do you think they'd taste like their ethnic background?” IfsThinkingHumansFunnyTasteJokesBackgroundsEthnic Background Author:Daniel Tosh
“I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.” ThinkingKnowsHumorFunnyHateJesusLeftLaughingJokesSkinsBurnedSnakesWristsSerpentBraceletJewish Friends Author:Daniel Tosh
