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P. J. O'Rourke

P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

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Famous P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

“The government is huge, stupid, greedy and makes nosy, officious and dangerous intrusions into the smallest corners of life - this much we can stand. But the real problem is that government is boring. We could cure or mitigate the other ills Washington visits on us if we could only bring ourselves to pay attention to Washington itself. But we cannot.”

IfsRealProblemGovernmentPayAttentionDangerousStupidHugeCornersBoringCuresPay AttentionSmallestGreedyReal ProblemsIntrusion
Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
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“When government does, occasionally, work, it works in an elitist fashion. That is, government is most easily manipulated by people who have money and power already. This is why government benefits usually go to people who don't need benefits from government. Government may make some environmental improvements, but these will be improvements for rich bird-watchers. And no one in government will remember that when poor people go bird-watching they do it at Kentucky Fried Chicken.”

PeopleNeedsMayDoeGovernmentRememberPoorRichFashionBenefitsBirdEnvironmentalImprovementWorking ItChickensPoor PeopleKentuckyElitistWatchersMoney And PowerFried ChickenBird Watching
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“If we're going to improve the environment, the first thing we should do is duck the government. The second thing we should do is quit being moral. Screw the rights of nature. Nature will have rights as soon as it get duties. The minute we see birds, trees, bugs, and squirrels picking up litter, giving money to charity, and keeping an eye on our kids at the park, we'll let them vote.”

IfsGivingShouldFirstsGovernmentEyeKidsMoralEnvironmentRightsTreeMinutesDutyBirdVoteCharityQuittingParksDucksScrewsBugsSquirrelsGiving Money
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“How a peaceful, uncrowded place with ample wherewithal stays poor is hard to explain. How a conflict-ridden, grossly over-populated place with no resources whatsoever gets rich is simple. The British colonial government turned Hong Kong into an economic miracle by doing nothing.”

HardGovernmentSimplePoorRichEconomicConflictResourcesMiracleBritishPeacefulDoing NothingGet RichHong Kong
Book:Eat the Rich: A Treatise on Economics
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“Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich.”

TryingYearsMadeGovernmentSocialGrowsInterestRichSpecialSecurityPercentProgramVotePopulationSocial SecuritySpecial InterestsGovernment ProgramsGovernment Welfare
Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
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“There are twenty-seven specific complaints against the British Crown set forth in the Declaration of Independence. To modern ears they still sound reasonable. They still sound reasonable, in large part, because so many of them can be leveled against the federal government of the United States.”

StillsStatesGovernmentSoundUnitedUnited StatesModernEarsTwentiesIndependenceSevenBritishReasonableCrownsComplaintsFederal GovernmentDeclarationDeclaration Of Independence
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Newsmen believe that news is a tacitly acknowledged fourth branch of the federal system. This is why most news about government sounds as if it were federally mandated -- serious, bulky and blandly worthwhile, like a high-fiber diet set in type.”

IfsBelieveGovernmentSoundSeriousTypeNewsJournalismDietsBranchesWorthwhileFourthFiber
Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
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“Government isn't a good way to solve problems ... [G]overnment is concerned mostly with self-perpetuation and is subject to fantastic ideas about its own capabilities. ... [G]overnment is wasteful of the nation's resources, immune to common sense and subject to pressure from every half-organized bouquet of assholes. ... [G]overnment is distrustful of and disrespectful toward average Americans while being easily gulled by Americans with money, influence or fame.”

WayIdeasSelfProblemGovernmentNationsCommonHalfInfluenceSubjectsFameResourcesConcernedPressureAverageSolveCommon SenseFantasticOrganizedCapabilityImmuneGood WayDisrespectfulBouquets
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“The three branches of government number considerably more than three and are not, in any sense, 'branches' since that would imply that there is something they are all attached to besides self-aggrandizement and our pocketbooks. ... Government is not a machine with parts; it's an organism. When does an intestine quit being an intestine and start becoming an asshole?”

DoeSelfGovernmentThreeNumbersBecomingMachinesQuittingBranchesOrganismsIntestinesBranches Of GovernmentPocketbooksThree Branches Of Government
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Think of what big governments have gotten up to in this century : not one, but two world wars, the gulag, the holocaust, aerial bombing of civilian population centers, the Berlin Wall, nuclear explosions, the post office. A wicked individual might want these, but he wouldn't have the cash and connections to get them. A villainous corporation could afford them but has to market the products. The Vietnam draft would be a tough sell for even the most fiendish businessmen. "Get shot! Get killed! Get diseases from foreign women who despise you in their hearts!"”

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Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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