Quotessence
Home / Authors / P. J. O'Rourke
P. J. O'Rourke

P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

Satirist

Filter quotes by topic

AllPeopleIfsFunnyGovernmentWorldThinkingPoliticalKnowsHumorousAmericaHumorYearsLibertyWayWantShouldLibertarianNeedsJournalismKind

Famous P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

“Mankind is supposed to have evolved in the treetops. But I have examined my sense of balance, the prehensility of my various appendages, and my attitude toward standing on anything higher than, say, political principles, and I have concluded that, personally, I evolved in the backseat of a car.”

PoliticalAttitudePrinciplesMankindCarBalanceHigherStandingVariousMy AttitudeBackseatTreetops
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
Create image

“Government usually doesn't work. It doesn't work because it is political. People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs. The difference between the political process and an honest life is the difference between parading around waving picket signs while hollering catcalls in front of the White House and getting up in the morning to go make a living.”

PeopleNeedsGovernmentJobsPoliticalLife IsHouseProcessDifferencesWhiteMorningWiseHonestFrontsSmartWorking ItWhite HouseSkillfulHardworkingGood Smart
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
Create image

“Political systems must love poverty-they produce so much of it. Poor people make easier targets for a demagogue. No Mao or even Jiang Zemin is likely to arise on the New York Stock Exchange floor. And politicians in democracies benefit from destitution, too. The US has had a broad range of poverty programs for 30 years. Those programs have failed. Millions of people are still poor. And those people vote for politicians who favor keeping the poverty programs in place. There's a conspiracy theory in there somewhere.”

PeopleYearsStillsPoliticalPoorPovertyMillionsDemocracyNew YorkProduceTheoryPoliticianEasierBenefitsProgramVoteFavorsAriseRangeTargetBroadsConspiracyPoor PeoplePolitical SystemsConspiracy TheoryMaoStock ExchangeNew York StockNew York Stock Exchange
Book:Eat the Rich: A Treatise on Economics
Create image

“Ever read any [Friedrich] Hayek? He's great. The Road To Serfdom is like... I'm not a big political-science reader, but I actually dog-eared my copy. I ended up going back through it and writing a précis, I was so impressed by this book. It's all about what happens when government tries to make everything right.”

WritingTryingBookBigsGovernmentHappensPoliticalDogReaderCopiesImpressedPolitical ScienceHayekRoad To SerfdomFriedrich Hayek
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
Create image

“When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.”

FirstsGovernmentPoliticalPoliticsLibertyEconomicPoliticianWittyCorruptionLibertarianSellingLiberalismBuyingControlledIronicLegislationFunny InspirationalGoverningFreedom And LibertyFreedom LibertyProperty RightsLegislatorsFunny MoneyLimiting GovernmentEconomic FreedomLimited FreedomPolitical WillLimiting FreedomPoliticians And PoliticsBuying And SellingCorrupt GovernmentGovernment PoliticsFunny PoliticianPolitical CorruptionMoney In PoliticsConservative PoliticalControlling Things
Book:Parliament of Whores-Open Mark
Create image

“In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.”

CharacterPoliticalDeathPoliticsPresidentFiveFourFailingFailureOfficeShotsCriticismElectionWorriedWhen All Else Fails
Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
Create image

“Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race. All through history, mankind has been bullied by scum. Those who lord it over their fellows and toss commands in every direction and would boss the grass in the meadow about which way to bend in the wind are the most depraved kind of prostitutes. They will submit to any indignity, perform any vile act, do anything to achieve power. The worst off-sloughings of the planet are the ingredients of sovereignty. Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy the whores are us.”

WayHumansKindHas BeensGovernmentPoliticalPoliticsRaceLordDemocracyTroubleAchieveWorstMankindPlanetsWindAuthorityElementsFellowsCommandGrassHuman RaceBossIngredientsSubmitLowestSovereigntyParliamentMeadowsBulliedTossDepravedScumIndignity
Book:Thrown Under the Omnibus
Create image

“If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.”

IfsThinkingInspirationalHumorCarePoliticalWaitingLibertyCostEconomicsLibertarianCommunismHealth CareLiberalismExpensiveLibertarianismFreedom And LibertyFreedom LibertyLaissez FaireLibertarian PartyEconomic FreedomLimited FreedomGreat Libertarian
Book:Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut
Create image

“The second item in the liberal creed, after self-righteousness, is unaccountability. Liberals have invented whole college majors--psychology, sociology, women's studies--to prove that nothing is anybody's fault. No one is fond of taking responsibility for his actions, but consider how much you'd have to hate free will to come up with a political platform that advocates killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers. A callous pragmatist might favor abortion and capital punishment. A devout Christian would sanction neither. But it takes years of therapy to arrive at the liberal view.”

YearsSelfWholeMightActionChristianPoliticalHateViewsResponsibilityStudyPsychologyCollegeBabyProveMajorsFaultsKillingCome UpFavorsPunishmentTherapyAbortionFree WillRighteousnessPlatformsCreedsSociologyTaking ResponsibilityMurdererItemsSanctionsUnbornSelf RighteousnessCapital PunishmentCallousPragmatistsUnborn Baby
Book:Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer
Create image

“Anyhow, all mankind's ideas and interests, all human aims and motives, are exhibited, fully formed, in a three-year-old child. The kid is just operating on a smaller scale and lacks the advantage of having made enormous soft-money campaign contributions to political candidates.”

YearsHumansChildrenMadeIdeasKidsPoliticalThreeInterestMankindHumorousAdvantageAimParentingCampaignsScalesEnormousMotiveCandidatesContributionThree YearsThree Year OldsCampaign ContributionsPolitical Candidates
Book:Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader
Create image

“You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. ... Government contains impure ingredients - as anybody who's looked at Congress can tell you. ... government practices deceptive advertising. And the merest glance at the federal budget is enough to convict the government of perjury, extortion, and fraud. ... in a nutshell: government should be against the law. Term limits aren't enough. We need jail.”

IfsKnowsNeedsShouldEnoughGovernmentWould BeLawPoliticalTermLibertyPracticeEconomicProductsLimitsEconomicsCongressSellingAdvertisingBudgetsIllegalJailIngredientsFraudGlancesDeceptiveConvictsTerm LimitsPerjuryExtortion
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
Create image

“Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit. A politician is anyone who asks individuals to surrender part of their liberty - their power and privilege - to State, Masses, Mankind, Planet Earth, or whatever. This state, those masses, that mankind, and the planet will then be run by ... politicians.”

StatesRunningEarthPoliticalAsksIndividualLibertyMankindPlanetsPoliticianMassPrivilegeSurrenderMeritPossessingPlanet Earth
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
Create image

“In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that when the official U.S. measure of poverty was developed in 1963, a poor American family had an income twenty-nine times greater than the average per capita income in the rest of the world. An individual American could make more money than 93 percent of the other people on the planet and still be considered poor.”

PeopleWorldLongStillsAmericaPoliticalIndividualTermPoorPovertyGreaterModernFiguresPlanetsPercentShotsScientistTwentiesFoundationAverageNineIncomeOfficialsHeritageMore MoneyModern WorldAmerican FamilyLong ShotsPoverty In America
Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
Create image

“Our democracy, our culture, our whole way of life is a spectacular triumph of the blah. Why not have a political convention without politics to nominate a leader who's out in front of nobody? Maybe our national mindlessness is the very thing that keeps us from turning into one of those smelly European countries full of pseudo-reds and crypto-fascists and greens who dress like forest elves.”

WayCountryWholeAmericaPoliticalLife IsCultureLeaderDemocracyFrontsDressesForestsTriumphWhy NotConventionsSpectacularFascistsPseudoEuropean CountriesBlahSmelly
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
Create image

“If libertarianism were easy to explain, and it weren't easy to exaggerate the effects of libertarianism, I think it would have been done already. Many many very intelligent people have applied themselves to crafting an agenda that people could grab ahold of. But the problem of course is that libertarianism isn't political. It is kind of anti-political. It wants to take a lot of things out of the political arena.”

PeopleIfsThinkingWantKindHas BeensDoneProblemPoliticalCoursesEasyEffectsIntelligentAgendasLibertarianismArenaAnti Political
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
Create image