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P. J. O'Rourke

P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

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Famous P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

“Remember that all tax revenue is the result of holding a gun to somebody's head. Not paying taxes is against the law. If you don't pay your taxes, you'll be fined. If you don't pay the fine, you'll be jailed. If you try to escape from jail, you'll be shot. ... Therefore, every time the government spends money on anything, you have to ask yourself, 'Would I kill my kindly, gray-haired mother for this?'”

IfsTryingGovernmentRememberLawMotherAsksResultsPayFineTaxesGunShotsJailGrayRevenuePaying Taxes
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Maybe it's understandable what a history of failures America's foreign policy has been. We are, after all, a country full of people who came to America to get away from foreigners. Any prolonged examination of the U.S. government reveals foreign policy to be America's miniature schnauzer -- a noisy but small and useless part of the national household.”

PeopleHas BeensCountryGovernmentAmericaPolicyUselessGet AwayForeign PolicyHouseholdExaminationForeignersNoisyMiniaturesSchnauzers
Book:PARLIAMENT OF WHORES A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
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“Government usually doesn't work. It doesn't work because it is political. People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs. The difference between the political process and an honest life is the difference between parading around waving picket signs while hollering catcalls in front of the White House and getting up in the morning to go make a living.”

PeopleNeedsGovernmentJobsPoliticalLife IsHouseProcessDifferencesWhiteMorningWiseHonestFrontsSmartWorking ItWhite HouseSkillfulHardworkingGood Smart
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“A pleasant natural environment is a good - a luxury good, philosophical good, a moral goody-good, a good time for all. Whatever, we want it. If we want something, we should pay for it, with our labor or our cash. We shouldn't beg it, steal it, sit around wishing for it, or euchre the government into taking it by force.”

IfsWantShouldGovernmentForceWishNaturalPayMoralEnvironmentLaborPhilosophicalStealingLuxuryPleasantGood TimesCashWant SomethingNatural Environment
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“Government subsidies can be critically analyzed according to a simple principle: You are smarter than the government, so when the government pays you to do something you wouldn't do on your own, it is almost always paying you to do something stupid.”

GovernmentSimplePayPrinciplesStupidSmarterSubsidies
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“In England, all the English car companies were beginning to circle the drain in a series of well-deserved failures and bankruptcies, earned by making lousy products with very poor production at high prices. So, the government, back in the '70s, nationalized all the British car companies. The result was British Leyland, a name that perhaps doesn't resonate much with you.”

WellsGovernmentNamesPoorResultsCompanyCarProductsEnglandSeriesProductionsBritishCirclesDrainsBankruptcyHigh Prices
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“I'd known the people at Rolling Stone for a while. I'd gone to them with a piece I'd done on Beirut for Vanity Fair that Vanity Fair didn't want to publish, because they said I was making fun of death... This was Tina Brown.But they paid me for it. So I've got this big chunk of a piece, and Rolling Stone liked it, but they thought it was a little dated. But then they called me back and asked me to do a similar piece about the Turks and Caicos Islands, where the whole government had been arrested for dope smuggling. That was fun.”

PeopleWantLittlesSaidDoneWholeBigsGovernmentFunKnownGonePiecesFairsStonesPaidVanityIslandsBrownRollingThey SaidPublishArrestedDopeRolling StonesChunksBeirutVanity FairSmuggling
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Seriously. It was running out at Rolling Stone. First of all, they didn't feel the need for a dissident conservative voice in a world where certain conservative aspects had become intellectually dominant. I would actually argue against that, but on the surface of it, in the [Bill] Clinton years the market economy triumphed, certain libertarian ideas became ordinary, and certain early-20th-century ideas about centralization of government and economic planning and socialism with a small "s" had obviously gone out the window. The Cold War was over, blah blah blah.”

WorldNeedsFeelsYearsFirstsIdeasWarGovernmentRunningCertainVoiceEconomyGoneEconomicCenturyColdOrdinaryAspectStonesWindowBillsClintonConservativeSurfaceLibertarianArguingPlanningSocialismRollingDominantCold War20th CenturyRolling StonesMarket EconomyBlahDissidentsCentralization
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Ever read any [Friedrich] Hayek? He's great. The Road To Serfdom is like... I'm not a big political-science reader, but I actually dog-eared my copy. I ended up going back through it and writing a précis, I was so impressed by this book. It's all about what happens when government tries to make everything right.”

WritingTryingBookBigsGovernmentHappensPoliticalDogReaderCopiesImpressedPolitical ScienceHayekRoad To SerfdomFriedrich Hayek
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.”

InspirationalGivingHumorGovernmentFunnyPoliticsMoneyLibertyBoysPowerCarKeysHistoricalCorruptionLibertarianCommunismSatireLibertarianismTeenageBureaucracyGoverningWhiskeyFreedom And LibertyFreedom LibertyLimited GovernmentDemocracies HaveWhiskyLimiting GovernmentLibertarian PartyEconomic FreedomLimited FreedomMoney And PowerGreat LibertarianFunny SarcasticFunny PoliticalGovernment BureaucracyLimiting FreedomGiving MoneyGreat PoliticalCorrupt GovernmentGovernment And PoliticsGovernment PoliticsPower GovernmentCorrupt PowerCar KeysPower And CorruptionPower CorruptionMoney In PoliticsKeys To The Kingdom
Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
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“When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.”

FirstsGovernmentPoliticalPoliticsLibertyEconomicPoliticianWittyCorruptionLibertarianSellingLiberalismBuyingControlledIronicLegislationFunny InspirationalGoverningFreedom And LibertyFreedom LibertyProperty RightsLegislatorsFunny MoneyLimiting GovernmentEconomic FreedomLimited FreedomPolitical WillLimiting FreedomPoliticians And PoliticsBuying And SellingCorrupt GovernmentGovernment PoliticsFunny PoliticianPolitical CorruptionMoney In PoliticsConservative PoliticalControlling Things
Book:Parliament of Whores-Open Mark
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“Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race. All through history, mankind has been bullied by scum. Those who lord it over their fellows and toss commands in every direction and would boss the grass in the meadow about which way to bend in the wind are the most depraved kind of prostitutes. They will submit to any indignity, perform any vile act, do anything to achieve power. The worst off-sloughings of the planet are the ingredients of sovereignty. Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy the whores are us.”

WayHumansKindHas BeensGovernmentPoliticalPoliticsRaceLordDemocracyTroubleAchieveWorstMankindPlanetsWindAuthorityElementsFellowsCommandGrassHuman RaceBossIngredientsSubmitLowestSovereigntyParliamentMeadowsBulliedTossDepravedScumIndignity
Book:Thrown Under the Omnibus
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“There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as "caring" and "sensitive" because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that he's willing to try to do good with other people's money. Well, who isn't? And a voter who takes pride in supporting such programs is telling us that he'll do good with his own money - if a gun is held to his head.”

PeopleIfsWantTryingWellsGovernmentLibertyVirtueWillingPridePoliticianGunProgramEconomicsCharityCaringLibertarianSensitiveVotersLibertarianismFreedom And LibertyFreedom LibertyCharitableAdvocatingCompulsoryGovernment ProgramsWilling To Try
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.”

GovernmentEffortLibertyEconomicAmountWasteEconomicsLibertarianPlanningEnormousDelusionLibertarianismSlothGovernment SpendingInefficiencyGovernment Waste
Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
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“You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. ... Government contains impure ingredients - as anybody who's looked at Congress can tell you. ... government practices deceptive advertising. And the merest glance at the federal budget is enough to convict the government of perjury, extortion, and fraud. ... in a nutshell: government should be against the law. Term limits aren't enough. We need jail.”

IfsKnowsNeedsShouldEnoughGovernmentWould BeLawPoliticalTermLibertyPracticeEconomicProductsLimitsEconomicsCongressSellingAdvertisingBudgetsIllegalJailIngredientsFraudGlancesDeceptiveConvictsTerm LimitsPerjuryExtortion
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million dairy cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?”

DoeGovernmentDeathMillionsToo MuchDyingDecidedLawyerFarmersMilkCowsSupermarketsDairyDairy Cows
Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
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