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P. J. O'Rourke

P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

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Famous P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

“Iraq's invasion of Kuwait is a case of bad men doing wrong things for wicked reasons. This is the full-sized or standard purebred evil and is easily recognized even by moral neophytes. Other malignities-drugs in America, famine in Africa and everything in the Middle East-are more complex. When combating those evils people sometimes have trouble deciding whom to shoot.”

PeopleMenSometimesReasonAmericaEvilMoralHistoryCasesTroubleMiddleHumourDrugStandardsComplexesIraqEastWickedMiddle EastInvasionWrong ThingsFamineBad ManKuwait
Book:Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer
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“Maybe it's understandable what a history of failures America's foreign policy has been. We are, after all, a country full of people who came to America to get away from foreigners. Any prolonged examination of the U.S. government reveals foreign policy to be America's miniature schnauzer -- a noisy but small and useless part of the national household.”

PeopleHas BeensCountryGovernmentAmericaPolicyUselessGet AwayForeign PolicyHouseholdExaminationForeignersNoisyMiniaturesSchnauzers
Book:PARLIAMENT OF WHORES A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
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“The Republican convention, an event with the intellectual content of a Guns'n'Roses lyric attended by every ofay insurance brokerin America who owns a pair of white shoes.”

AmericaWhitePartyEventsRepublicanIntellectualGunRoseShoesPairsConventionsRepublican PartyGuns N RosesWhite Shoes
Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
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“It is easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it. In fact, cats possess so many of the same qualities as people that it is often hard to tell the people and the cats apart.”

PeopleNeedsMeanMadeHardFactsAmericaFunEasyQualityModernDogMaterialsAuthorityCatPetDependentIrresponsibleModern America
Book:Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People
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“The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to egalitarians, to people obsessed with fairness, to American presidential candidates in the year 2000 - to everyone who believes that wealth should be redistributed. And that message is clear and concise: Go to Hell.”

PeopleShouldYearsBelieveAmericaWealthLibertyHellClearEconomicMessagesEconomicsPresidentialObsessedCandidatesFairnessCommandmentsGo To HellPresidential CandidateAmerican PresidentConcise
Book:Eat the Rich: A Treatise on Economics
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“In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that when the official U.S. measure of poverty was developed in 1963, a poor American family had an income twenty-nine times greater than the average per capita income in the rest of the world. An individual American could make more money than 93 percent of the other people on the planet and still be considered poor.”

PeopleWorldLongStillsAmericaPoliticalIndividualTermPoorPovertyGreaterModernFiguresPlanetsPercentShotsScientistTwentiesFoundationAverageNineIncomeOfficialsHeritageMore MoneyModern WorldAmerican FamilyLong ShotsPoverty In America
Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
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“So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else available. Western civilization not only provides a bit of life, a pinch of liberty and the occasional pursuance of happiness, it's also the only thing that's ever tried to. Our civilization is the first in history to show even the slightest concern for average, undistinguished, none-too-commendable people like us.”

PeopleWorldFirstsShowsAmericaBitsHalfLibertyModernCivilizationEuropeConcernWesternAverageAvailableAsiaModern WorldOccasionalWestern CivilizationNorth AmericaCommendable
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Our democracy, our culture, our whole way of life is a spectacular triumph of the blah. Why not have a political convention without politics to nominate a leader who's out in front of nobody? Maybe our national mindlessness is the very thing that keeps us from turning into one of those smelly European countries full of pseudo-reds and crypto-fascists and greens who dress like forest elves.”

WayCountryWholeAmericaPoliticalLife IsCultureLeaderDemocracyFrontsDressesForestsTriumphWhy NotConventionsSpectacularFascistsPseudoEuropean CountriesBlahSmelly
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Now for good or ill, California is the place where trends tend to be set in Western civilization - if civilization indeed it is. California, for several generations now, has been the newest, biggest, most experimental place in the newest, biggest, most experimental part of liberal Western capitalism - which is itself a new experiment for mankind.”

IfsWorldHas BeensAmericaGenerationsModernMankindCivilizationCapitalismWesternIllExperimentsCaliforniaTrendsModern WorldWestern Civilization
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. Being a Republican, I'm backing Hillary Clinton. Because she could lose. The reason is not that she's a woman. The reason is that she's the particular woman who taught the 4th grade class that every man in America wished he were dead in. Hillary Clinton is Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown. Hillary Clinton is "America's ex-wife."”

MenReasonAmericaLosesNumbersClassWifeFootballTaughtParticularRepublicanMoonClintonEvery ManPresidentialCandidatesGradesBrownCyclesPhasesExesVaryCharlieLucyPresidential CandidateAmerican PresidentEx WifeSunspotsPhases Of The Moon
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“The Arab peoples possess an ancient and highly developed civilization that is in many ways more sophisticated than our own. For instance, they invented algebra. And this is why we have to go to war with Saddam Hussein this minute and bomb the shish kebab out of him before he invents trig and chemistry and the whole of America flunks high school.”

WayWarWholeSchoolFunnyAmericaMinutesCivilizationHumorousHigh SchoolAncientInstanceBombsChemistrySophisticatedSaddamHusseinAlgebraKebabs
Book:Thrown Under the Omnibus
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