p-j-orourke Quotes About years

“I've been a New Yorker for ten years, and the only people who are nice to us turn out to be Moonies.”

People Years Turns Nice New York Ten New Yorkers

“I have a 10 year old at home, and she is always saying, 'That's not fair.' When she says that, I say, "Honey, you're cute; that's not fair. Your family is pretty well off; that's not fair. You were born in America; that's not fair. Honey, you had better pray to God that things don't start getting fair for you.”

Years Wells Home America Born Praying Fairs Cute Our Family Honey Praying To God Not Fair

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Political systems must love poverty-they produce so much of it. Poor people make easier targets for a demagogue. No Mao or even Jiang Zemin is likely to arise on the New York Stock Exchange floor. And politicians in democracies benefit from destitution, too. The US has had a broad range of poverty programs for 30 years. Those programs have failed. Millions of people are still poor. And those people vote for politicians who favor keeping the poverty programs in place. There's a conspiracy theory in there somewhere.”

Source: Eat the Rich: A Treatise on Economics

“We're told cars cause pollution. A hundred years ago city streets were ankle deep in horse excrement. What kind of pollution do you want? Would you rather die of cancer at eighty or typhoid fever at nine?”

Want Years Kind Dies Causes Cities Streets Car Years Ago Horse Cancer Libertarian Nine Pollution Eighty Fever Ankles City Streets Old Car Typhoid

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Last year, on a long car trip, I was listening to Rush Limbaugh shout. I usually agree with Rush Limbaugh; therefore I usually don't listen to him. I listen to NPR: "World to end-poor and minorities hardest hit." I like to argue with the radio.”

World Years Long Ends Lasts Poor Car Listening Agree Radio Arguing Hardest Minorities Last Year Npr Hardest Hit

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“I spent almost 25 years as a foreign correspondent, and the world's primary problem is poverty.”

World Years Problem Poverty Primaries

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“I'm 61 years old. I'm not that fearful of the future, period. I'm not going to see that much of it.”

Years Periods Fearful

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Once we realized that there were these 25 invariable types - the class politician, the frigid popular girl, the kid who tags along behind the jocks - once we came up with these key characters in a cloud of marijuana, the whole thing just came together. One of the things I'm really proud of is how much of a high-school yearbook it is in its look, so much so that Hunter Publishing had the art director, David Kaestle, and I come for years to their annual convention and do a little talk on how not to do a yearbook.”

“Whereas Rolling Stone, I just never had anything to do with them. I'd stop by the office maybe twice a year.”

Years Office Stones Rolling Rolling Stones

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.”

Thinking Writing Years Two Kids Jokes Gloves

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Seriously. It was running out at Rolling Stone. First of all, they didn't feel the need for a dissident conservative voice in a world where certain conservative aspects had become intellectually dominant. I would actually argue against that, but on the surface of it, in the [Bill] Clinton years the market economy triumphed, certain libertarian ideas became ordinary, and certain early-20th-century ideas about centralization of government and economic planning and socialism with a small "s" had obviously gone out the window. The Cold War was over, blah blah blah.”

“I buy a tractor two years ago, and four-fifths of the tractor manual is about not tipping over, not raising the bucket high enough to hit high-tension wire... not killing yourself, basically. And in that manual, I found out - and it cost me a thousand dollars - that when the tractor is new, 10 hours into use of the tractor, you have to re-torque the lug nuts. If you don't, you will oval the holes. This is buried between the moron warnings. I never found it. I take the tractor in for its regular servicing, and they say my wheels are gone. How am I supposed to know that? "It's in the manual."”

“Nothing about economic growth in the United States over the course of the past 40, 50 years, during which time this has been continually happening, would indicate that we are being harmed in an overall sense by this.”

Years Has Beens States Past Courses Growth United United States Economic Happenings Economic Growth

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“I don't see evidence of America being a poorer country than it was 20 years ago. I've seen impoverished devastation. I've seen places where things had been good and now they were very bad.”

Years Country America Evidence Years Ago Devastation

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.”

Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

“The second item in the liberal creed, after self-righteousness, is unaccountability. Liberals have invented whole college majors--psychology, sociology, women's studies--to prove that nothing is anybody's fault. No one is fond of taking responsibility for his actions, but consider how much you'd have to hate free will to come up with a political platform that advocates killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers. A callous pragmatist might favor abortion and capital punishment. A devout Christian would sanction neither. But it takes years of therapy to arrive at the liberal view.”

Source: Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer

“Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.”

Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

“In the end we beat them with Levi's 501 jeans. Seventy-two years of communist indoctrination and propaganda was drowned out by a three-ounce Sony Walkman. A huge totalitarian system...has been brought to its knees because nobody wants to wear Bulgarian shoes. Now they're lunch, and we're number one on the planet.”

Want Years Has Beens Two Ends Three Numbers Planets Huge Beats Shoes Communism Propaganda Knees Two Years Communist Lunch Jeans Seventies Indoctrination Sony Bulgarians

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Anyhow, all mankind's ideas and interests, all human aims and motives, are exhibited, fully formed, in a three-year-old child. The kid is just operating on a smaller scale and lacks the advantage of having made enormous soft-money campaign contributions to political candidates.”

Source: Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader

“For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets, or boxes of kitchen matches.”

Way Years Children Humor Kids Funny Baby Humorous Leaving Rounds Boxes Kitchen Bottles Liquor Cabinets Toddler Aspirin Mittens

Book:The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig

Source: The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig

“The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to egalitarians, to people obsessed with fairness, to American presidential candidates in the year 2000 - to everyone who believes that wealth should be redistributed. And that message is clear and concise: Go to Hell.”

Source: Eat the Rich: A Treatise on Economics

“We're told cars are wasteful. Wasteful of what? Oil did a lot of good sitting in the ground for millions of years. We're told cars should be replaced with mass transportation. But it's hard to reach the drive-through window at McDonald's from a speeding train. And we're told cars cause pollution. A hundred years ago city streets were ankle deep in horse excrement. What kind of pollution do you want? Would you rather die of cancer at eighty or typhoid fever at nine?”

“There's no telling what might have happened to our defense budget if Saddam Hussein hadn't invaded Kuwait that August and set everyone gearing up for World War II. Can we count on Saddam Hussein to come along every year and resolve our defense-policy debates? Given the history of the Middle East, it's possible.”

Source: Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government

“Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.”

“Well the planet I've got a chance to visit is Earth, and Earth's principal features are chaos and war. I think I'd be a fool to spend years here and never have a look.”

Thinking Years Wells Looks War Earth Chance Planets Fool Chaos Features Principal

Book:Holidays in Hell

Source: Holidays in Hell

“Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich.”

Trying Years Made Government Social Grows Interest Rich Special Security Percent Program Vote Population Social Security Special Interests Government Programs Government Welfare

Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government

Source: Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government

“If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it to the wrong end.”

Ifs Giving Years I Can Ends Trouble Ten Giving Up Add Drinking Alcohol Smoking Fatty

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Mankind has invested more than four million years of evolution in the attempt to avoid physical exertion. Now a group of backward-thinking atavists mounted on foot-powered pairs of Hula-Hoops would have us pumping our legs, gritting our teeth, and searing our lungs as though we were being chased across the Pleistocene savanna by saber-toothed tigers. Think of the hopes, the dreams, the effort, the brilliance, the pure force of will that, over the eons, has gone into the creation of the Cadillac Coupe de Ville. Bicycle riders would have us throw all this on the ash heap of history.”

Source: Republican Party Reptile: The Confessions, Adventures, Essays and (Other) Outrages of P.J. O'Rourke

“The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place!”

Years Looks Inspiration Forums

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Iran and Iraq have been at war for five years now. The traditional present for a fifth anniversary is wood. Here's a gift suggestion: a big stick to beat some goddamned sense into their heads.”

Years Has Beens War Bigs Five Beats Sticks Iraq Woods Traditional Five Years Iran Suggestions Fifth Fifth Anniversary

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Good manners can replace morals. It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what you are doing is nice, it will be immediately evident.”

Ifs Knows Years May Moral Nice Manners Good Man Evident Good Manners

Book:Thrown Under the Omnibus

Source: Thrown Under the Omnibus

“I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll light this Marlboro and you'll all die - in thirty years due to inhalation of secondhand smoke."”

Years Humor Hands Light Funny Dies Food Humorous Threat Dues Smoke Thirty Airline Thirty Years Lighters Disposable Air Travel Secondhand Smoke

Book:Peace Kills

Source: Peace Kills

P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

Filter quotes by topic

Famous P. J. O'Rourke Quotes