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Humor Quotes

Browse 16077 quotes about Humor.

Humor Quotes

“A drinker has a hole under his nose that all his money runs into.”

Humor Running Funny Drinking Alcohol Holes Noses Alcoholism Alcoholics Drinking Alcohol Drinkers Alcohol Drinking Drinking Funny Alcohol Addiction

Author:Thomas Fuller

“Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems.”

Problem Humor Causes Answers Food Alcohol Drinking Alcohol Beer Drinking Funny Alcohol Alcohol Drinking Alcohol And Life Drinking Problem

Author:Matt Groening

“We need to have mentoring programs energized by government, paid for by government, but who exist not because of government. Teen Challenge is a way to get people off drugs and alcohol. Teen Challenge is a faith-based program that changes people's hearts.”

People Way Needs Heart Humor Government Political Challenges Drug Program Paid Scary Alcohol Mentoring Drugs And Alcohol Political Humor Faith Based

Author:George W. Bush

“According to a brand new report, alcohol abuse in Ireland is on the rise. Mainly because the guy who didn't drink now does.”

Doe Humor Funny Guy Drink Abuse Alcohol Brands Reports Ireland Brand New Alcohol Abuse

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Things have been invented because of alcohol. Like the taser, okay? Yeah! The morning after pill, okay? The reach-around. Judge Judy. What has pot given the world? Hackey sack? YEAH! Hilarious ring tones? OH GAH! Ultimate Frisbee Championships? It sucks to be a champion at a sport that can't get you laid. It's an unneeded skill like, I dunno, being the best banjo player. Or a squirter.”

“I was carrying a beautiful alcoholic conflagration around with me. The thing fed on its own heat and flamed the fiercer. There was no time, in all my waking time, that I didn't want a drink. I began to anticipate the completion of my daily thousand words by taking a drink when only five hundred words were written. It was not long until I prefaced the beginning of the thousand words with a drink.”

Want Long Humor Beautiful Five Written Drink Thousand Hundred Alcohol Heat Feds Waking Alcoholics Anticipate Completion

Book:Jack London Six Pack

Source: Jack London Six Pack

“The other day they asked me about mandatory drug testing. I said I believed in drug testing a long time ago. All through the sixties I tested everything.”

Long Said Humor Drug Long Time Alcohol Weed Marijuana Sixty Tested Testing Alcoholics Long Time Ago Funny Marijuana Funny Weed Funny Drug Drug Testing

Author:Bill Lee

“When I played drunks I had to remain sober because I didn't know how to play them when I was drunk.”

Knows Play Humor Funny Know How Drink Humorous Wine Drinking Alcohol Drunk Sober Liquor Drinking Alcohol

Author:Richard Burton