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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'”

Ifs Needs Wells Said Humor Funny Humorous Borders Canada Crossings Firearms

Author:Steven Wright

“I don't even know what street Canada is on.”

Knows Streets Humorous Canada Nationalism Canada Day Canada Funny Happy Canada Day Canada Being Great

Author:Al Capone

“Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain.”

Country Player Fronts Cold Humorous Rain Baseball Canada Hockey Acid Baseball Player Imports Hockey Player Canada Day Canada Funny Happy Canada Day Canada Being Great Acid Rain

Author:Pierre Trudeau

“The great themes of Canadian history are as follows: Keeping the Americans out, keeping the French in, and trying to get the Natives to somehow disappear.”

Trying Humorous Disappear Theme Canada Canada Day Canada Funny Happy Canada Day Canada Being Great Canadian History

Author:Will Ferguson

“Canada is like an old cow. The West feeds it. Ontario and Quebec milk it. And you can well imagine what it's doing in the Maritimes.”

Inspirational Wells Imagine Humorous West Canada Milk Cows Quebec Ontario Maritime Canada Day Canada Funny Happy Canada Day

Author:Tommy Douglas

“Quebec from the boat looked like the ramparts where Hamlet's ghost might have walked.”

Humor Might Funny Humorous Ghost Boat Canada Quebec

Author:Charlie Chaplin

“Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers.”

Knows Important Humor Funny Lasts Culture Nations Week Majors Humorous Destroyed Canada Sophisticated Boast Beavers

Book:Dave Barry Talks Back

Source: Dave Barry Talks Back

“There are also a number of humans living up there (Canada), and in many ways they have a lifestyle quite similar to ours, including such traditional American activities as driving Japanese cars.”

Way Humans Humor Funny Numbers Car Activity Humorous Including Driving Lifestyle Traditional Canada

Book:Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

Source: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

“The beaver, which has come to represent Canada as the eagle does the United States and the lion Britain, is a flat-tailed, slow-witted, toothy rodent known to bite off it's own testicles or to stand under its own falling trees.”

Doe States Fall United Known United States Tree Humorous Britain Canada Flats Lions Bites Eagles Beavers Testicles Rodents Canada Day Canada Funny Happy Canada Day Canada Being Great

Book:Portrait of Canada

Source: Portrait of Canada

“It seems that Canada's historic mission is to come to the selfless aid both of its friends and of complete strangers, and then, once the crisis is over, to be well and truly ignored. Canada is the perpetual wallflower that stands on the edge of the hall, waiting for someone to come and ask her for a dance.”

Wells Humor Seems Funny Asks Waiting Humorous Crisis Edges Stranger Missions Aids Canada Halls Selfless Perpetual Ignored Historic Canada Day Happy Canada Day

Author:Kevin Myers

“I read and learned and fretted more about Canada after I left than I ever did while I was home. I absorbed anything I could on topics that ranged from Folklore to history to political mainifestos... I ranted and raved and seethed about things beyond my control. In short I acted like a Canadian.”

Home Humor Funny Political Left Humorous Canada Topics Folklore Canada Funny Canada Being Great Canadian History Beyond My Control

Author:Will Ferguson

“Many Canadian nationalists harbour the bizarre fear that should we ever reject royalty, we would instantly mutate into Americans, as though the Canadian sense of self is so frail and delicate a bud, that the only thing stopping it from being swallowed whole by the US is an English lady in a funny hat.”