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Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Humorous Quotes

“What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America, or Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.”

“I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.”

Knows Life Funny Causes Humorous Witty Upside Down Necklaces

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.”

Fall Causes Streets Fashion Failure Models Humorous Weight Loss Grate Leading Causes Fashion Model

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“Comedy is to force us to observe ourselves in ways that are humorous and yet, at the end of the day, that cause us enough discomfort with the status quo to make a change.”

Way Ends Enough Force Causes Comedy Humorous The End Of The Day Status Quo Making Changes Discomfort Challenging Status Quo Challenging The Status Quo

Author:Michael Eric Dyson

“The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.”

Long Today Causes Amount Periods Humorous Cancer Stomach Surgeons Long Periods Of Time Small Amounts Saliva

Book:Napalm & Silly Putty

Source: Napalm & Silly Putty

“The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.”

“And the only people I fear are those who never have doubts... Save us all from arrogant men, and all the causes they're for.”

People Men Causes Doubt Humorous Profound Insane Arrogant

Author:Billy Joel

“If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.”

Ifs Humor Might Funny Jobs Causes Security Missing Food Humorous Saving Planes Airline Personnel Air Travel Saving Your Life

Book:Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

Source: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

“Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several years trying to kill themselves. If your home contains a sharp, toxic object, your baby will locate it; if your home contains no such object, your baby will try to obtain one via mail order.”

Source: Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have Around the Home