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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.”

Persons Figures Humorous Stamps Envelopes

Author:Rich Hall

“Man is but mortal: and there is a point beyond which human courage cannot extend. Mr. Pickwick gazed through his spectacles for an instant on the advancing mass, and then fairly turned his back and-we will not say fled; firstly, because it is an ignoble term, and, secondly, because Mr. Pickwick's figure was by no means adapted for that mode of retreat-he trotted away, at as quick a rate as his legs would convey him;.”

Men Humans Mean Funny Term Figures Mass Humorous Rate Legs Mortals Instant Retreat Adapted Advancing Spectacles Ignoble

Book:The posthumous papers of the Pickwick Club

Source: The posthumous papers of the Pickwick Club

“It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”

Hard Humor Funny Politics Work Chance Figures Hard Work Humorous Luck Lazy Laziness Hilarious Indolence Funny Work Being Lazy Lazy Man Famous Hard Working

Book:Speaking my mind: selected speeches

Source: Speaking my mind: selected speeches

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”

Life Long Matter Funny Three Doors Figures Six Laughter Humorous Comedian Locks Hilarious Funny Life Humor And Laughter Humor Laughter Funny Comedian Best Funny Most Funny

Author:Elayne Boosler

“Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.”

People Men Way Bigs White Figures Humorous Baseball Starting Shakes Bats White Man Riot Funny Baseball

Author:Dick Gregory

“For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process.”

Trying Years Firsts Children Two Humor Kids Funny Process Hours Our Lives Figures Baby Humorous Communicate Two Years Waking Reverse

Author:Erma Bombeck

“When others kid me about being bald, I simply tell them that the way I figure it, the good Lord only gave men so many hormones, and if others want to waste theirs on growing hair, that's up to them.”

Ifs Men Way Want Humor Kids Funny Sex Lord Growing Figures Hair Waste Humorous Hormones Baldness

Author:John Glenn

“Haters are just confused admirers because they can't figure out the reason why everyone loves you.”

Love Reason Funny Hate Fans Love You Figures Humorous Reason Why Confused One Love Singer Songwriters Fashion Designer Admirer Hater

Author:Jeffree Star