Quotessence
Home / Topics / Humorous Quotes

Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Related topics

FunnyWittyHumorIfsMenPeopleInspirationalKnowsThinkingSarcasticLifeStupidChildrenWayWantInsaneProfoundShouldFirstsPowerfulAmericaSaidGivingWorldTwoSarcasmYearsSexLaughterWellsGodBookKidsAgeWritingLongMadeComedyFoodMeanTryingBabyComedianLittlesLoveMayLooksMindNamesPoliticalMarriageRepublicanAirlineDemocratDrinkingFactsHumansParentingPersonsDoeNeedsThreeBeerEnglandHandsHilariousMusicNew YorkAir TravelEnoughI CanIdeasPartyPoliticsStillsFunny LifeKindBelieveDoctorsDrinkHas BeensProblemWarFunInspirationRussiaDiesJapanNextPhonesSchoolStatesYoungCountryFeelsHelpingLastsLawyerMightMoneymore

Humorous Quotes

“You should not use your fireplace, because scientists now believe that, contrary to popular opinion, fireplaces actually remove heat from houses. Really, that's what scientists believe. In fact many scientists actually use their fireplaces to cool their houses in the summer. If you visit a scientist's house on a sultry August day, you'll find a cheerful fire roaring on the hearth and the scientist sitting nearby, remarking on how cool he is and drinking heavily.”

IfsShouldBelieveHeartFactsUseHouseOpinionFireSummerHumorousSittingScientistDrinkingContraryHeatRemoveCheerfulAugustRoaringPopular OpinionFireplaces
Book:All the Dave Barry you could ever want: four classic books in one from America's foremost humorist
Create image

“"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."”

HeartMayFunnyOpinionMissingMy HeartHumorousDown AndTendenciesPulpitPresent TimeWotFlopping
Book:A Tale of Two Cities and Great Expectations (Oprah's Book Club): Two Novels
Create image

“On summer evenings, when every flower, and tree, and bird, might have better addressed my soft young heart, I have in my day been caught in the palm of a female hand by the crown, have been violently scrubbed from the neck to the roots of the hair as a purification for the Temple, and have then been carried off highly charged with saponaceous electricity, to be steamed like a potato in the unventilated breath of the powerful Boanerges Boiler and his congregation, until what small mind I had, was quite steamed out of me”

MindHeartHas BeensHandsMightFunnyYoungPowerfulTreeFlowerHairSummerBirdHumorousFemaleRootsBreathsCaughtEveningNecksTemplesCrownsElectricityPalmsPotatoesCongregationPurificationSmall MindsYoung At HeartBoilerSummer Evening
Book:Novels
Create image

“Then, at the end of every hand, Miss Bolo would inquire with a dismal countenance and reproachful sigh, why Mr. Pickwick had not returned that diamond, or led the club, or roughed the spade, or finessed the heart, or led through the honour, or brought out the ace, or played up to the king, or some such thing; and in reply to all these grave charges, Mr. Pickwick would be wholly unable to plead any justification whatever, having by this time forgotten all about the game.”

HeartEndsHandsWould BeFunnyGamesMissingKingsHumorousForgottenClubsGravesHonourDiamondJustificationSighCountenanceSpadesAces
Book:The posthumous papers of the Pickwick Club
Create image

“Dombey and Son had often dealt in hides, but never in hearts. They left that fancy ware to boys and girls, and boarding-schools and books. Mr. Dombey would have reasoned: That a matrimonial alliance with himself must, in the nature of things, be gratifying and honourable to any woman of common sense. That the hope of giving birth to a new partner in such a house, could not fail to awaken a glorious and stirring ambition in the breast of the least ambitious of her sex.”

GivingHeartBookSchoolFunnyGirlHouseLeftSexCommonBoysFailingSonBirthAmbitionHumorousPartnersCommon SenseFancyGloriousBreastsAmbitiousAlliancesStirringBoy And GirlGiving Birth
Author:Charles Dickens
Create image

“""Dear girl," continued Bob advancing with an imbecile grin upon his countenance, which he imagined no doubt to be a seductive smile, "fly with me! Be mine! Share with me the wild free life of a barrister! Say that you return the love which consumes my heart - oh, say it!" Here Bob put his hand over a hole in his waistcoat and struck a dramatic attitude.”

HeartHandsGirlAttitudeDoubtShareMinesReturnMy HeartHumorousDearHolesDramaticNo DoubtSarcasmBobAdvancingSeductiveCountenanceImbecilesFree LifeBarristersWild Free
Book:Uncollected stories
Create image