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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down.”

I Can Funny Mines Humorous Cynicism Altruism

Author:Collis Potter Huntington

“There's little in taking or giving, There's little in water or wine: This living, this living, this living, Was never a project of mine. Oh, hard is the struggle, and sparse is The gain of the one at the top, For art is a form of catharsis, And love is a permanent flop, And work is the province of cattle, And rest's for a clam in a shell, So I'm thinking of throwing the battle - Would you kindly direct me to hell?”

Source: Collected poems: Not so deep as a well

“"It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground."”

Knows Years May Said Funny Mines Habit Humorous Fifty Bites Nails Captains Old Habits

Book:The Complete Works of Charles Dickens (in 30 Volumes, Illustrated): Dombey and Son, Vol. I

Source: The Complete Works of Charles Dickens (in 30 Volumes, Illustrated): Dombey and Son, Vol. I

“All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.”

People Life Funny Remember Names Mines Terrible Humorous Actresses Manners Introducing Olives Martini

Author:Tallulah Bankhead

“I like Bret Easton Ellis' sense of humor. I feel like mine is sometimes similar to his. And how his characters sometimes seem really confused in a humorous manner. I like that. And I have that sometimes in my characters.”

Feels Sometimes Character Seems Mines Humorous Confused Sense Of Humor

Author:Tao Lin

“But it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, which, by often rumination, wraps me in the most humorous sadness.”

Sadness Objects Mines Humorous Contemplation Melancholy Wraps Rumination

Book:As You Like it

Source: As You Like it

“I have neither the scholar's melancholy, which is emulation; nor the musician's, which is fantastical; nor the courtier's, which is proud; not the soldier's which is ambitious; nor the lawyer's, which is politic; nor the lady's, which is nice; nor the lover's, which is all these: but it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, which, by often rumination, wraps me in a most humorous sadness.”

Nice Sadness Objects Mines Proud Lovers Musician Humorous Soldier Lawyer Contemplation Melancholy Scholar Ambitious Wraps Emulation Courtiers Rumination

Book:Comedies of Shakespeare in Plain and Simple English (a Modern Translation and the Original Version)

Source: Comedies of Shakespeare in Plain and Simple English (a Modern Translation and the Original Version)

“Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.”

Years Two Girl Crazy Mines Taste Humorous Years Ago Two Years

Book:The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx

Source: The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx

“A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather chilling.”

Mines Humorous Colleagues Cousin Chill One Word Surgeons Manhattan Funny Life Casualties Nicknames Donors Bikers

Author:Stephen Fry

“""Dear girl," continued Bob advancing with an imbecile grin upon his countenance, which he imagined no doubt to be a seductive smile, "fly with me! Be mine! Share with me the wild free life of a barrister! Say that you return the love which consumes my heart - oh, say it!" Here Bob put his hand over a hole in his waistcoat and struck a dramatic attitude.”

Heart Hands Girl Attitude Doubt Share Mines Return My Heart Humorous Dear Holes Dramatic No Doubt Sarcasm Bob Advancing Seductive Countenance Imbeciles Free Life Barristers Wild Free

Book:Uncollected stories

Source: Uncollected stories

“One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.”

Giving Mind Firsts Two Hands Hours Half Teach Mines Ten Humorous Give Me Clock Extras Wheels Ems Drivers Half Hours Steering

Book:Napalm & Silly Putty

Source: Napalm & Silly Putty

“There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.”

Views Mines Jokes Humorous Point Of View Tunes

Author:Mose Allison

“If there was sadness in this creative world of mine, it was a pleasant sadness. If there were problems, they were humorous problems.”

Ifs World Problem Creative Sadness Mines Humorous Pleasant

Book:Norman Rockwell and the Saturday Evening Post

Source: Norman Rockwell and the Saturday Evening Post