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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“There's little in taking or giving, There's little in water or wine: This living, this living, this living, Was never a project of mine. Oh, hard is the struggle, and sparse is The gain of the one at the top, For art is a form of catharsis, And love is a permanent flop, And work is the province of cattle, And rest's for a clam in a shell, So I'm thinking of throwing the battle - Would you kindly direct me to hell?”

Source: Collected poems: Not so deep as a well

“Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.”

Funny Choices Belief Water Virtue Fine Expectations Conscious Humorous Medicine Medical Beast Fence Great Expectations Cupboards Elixir Nastiness Great Expectations Important

Book:Great Expectations

Source: Great Expectations

“Both Miss Lavinia and Miss Clarissa had a superstition, however, that he would have declared his passion, if he had not been cut short in his youth (at about sixty) by over-drinking his constitution, and over-doing an attempt to set it right again by swilling Bath water.”

Ifs Funny Passion Water Cutting Missing Youth Humorous Constitution Drinking Superstitions Sixty Baths Lavinia

Book:Charles Dickens Six Pack: Six Dickens Classics

Source: Charles Dickens Six Pack: Six Dickens Classics

“I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.”

Wanted Funny Water Humorous Witty Silly Drank Boiling Boiling Water Boiling Point

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: 'President Can't Swim.'”

“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”

Funny Water Comedy Humorous Witty Flattery Cologne Billing

Book:Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day

Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day

“Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!”

Looks Humor Running Water Humour Humorous Afternoon Dirt Comic Book Cartoonist Calvin And Hobbes Friendship Funny Kid

Author:Bill Watterson

“Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger.”

Funny Water Music Humorous Stronger Symphony Scotch Mendelssohn

Author:Victor Borge

“Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.”

Children Humor Funny Water Dog Humorous Profit Drowning Ponds Handy Owning A Dog Save The Children

Author:Josh Billings

“The people shall further be graded according to wealth, and—humorous touch this—the more obviously a man labor, the more stinting shall be his reward; the more he work in the out-of-doors, the thinner his clothing shall be; the more his labor filthy him, the less water shall he have to wash”

People Men Water Wealth Doors Humorous Labor Rewards Clothings Filthy

Book:At Swim, Two Boys

Source: At Swim, Two Boys

“In cross examination, as in fishing, nothing is more ungainly than a fisherman pulled into the water by his catch.”

Funny Law Water Humorous Crosses Lawyer Fishing Examination Fisherman

Author:Louis Nizer