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Anthony Jeselnik

Anthony Jeselnik Books

Comedian

Anthony Jeselnik, born on December 22, 1978, is an American comedian known for his sharp wit and unique performance style. He has gained recognition for his appearances in comedy clubs and television shows.

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Related Quotes

“The driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing as a stand-up is having problems with authority and not liking to be told what to do.”

Problem Force Behinds Authority Driving Driving Force

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“On Twitter, when someone would die, I would write a joke. Or if there's a tragedy, I would write a joke and tweet it. That was my thing, and then at a certain point, people started demanding it.”

People Ifs Writing Certain Dies Jokes Tragedy Tweet

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“Dark humor appealed to me because it was a bigger laugh than you could get with anything else. Seeing people laugh at something inappropriate with their whole bodies, a guttural, visceral laugh beyond a mere "hah."”

People Whole Body Dark Laughing Seeing Bigger Mere Dark Humor Inappropriate Visceral

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“Silence means they [the audience] are paying attention. Even if I drop bombs and they're dead quiet, it's still okay. If they start talking, that's when you've lost them.”

Ifs Mean Stills Lost Attention Silence Talking Audience Quiet Okay Pay Attention Bombs

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to get something, I don't mind that. If half the crowd gets the joke and the other half is sitting there scratching their heads, that's just as good for me if I like the joke, because I feel like it just brings people in more.”

People Ifs Want Feels Mind Attention Half Laughing Jokes Sitting Crowds Pay Attention Other Half

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it up in my persona. I felt like I wouldn't be able to do stand-up for a career if I was needy. I didn't want to be complaining or whining onstage. I wanted to be cool and do exactly what I wanted to do. That way I would never have to change for anybody.”

Ifs Way Want Needs Able Wanted Felt Careers Complaining Embarrassed Persona Needy Being Cool Whining

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“It was important to me to be cool as a comedian. I didn't want to be a crowd-pleaser who sent out the vibe of, "I need you guys." I wanted to be so cool that the audience could leave and I would still be killing, that I didn't want to have to rely on them or need them. That really appealed to me.”

Want Needs Stills Important Wanted Guy Audience Killing Crowds Comedian Rely Need You Being Cool I Need You Pleasers Crowd Pleasers

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.”

Way Jobs Terrible Jokes Stuck Enjoyed Employee Good Way

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.”

Writing Stills Cutting Jokes Notebook

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.”

People Dark Silly Surprising Dark Humor

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“One of my favorite things on the show was just getting to do my own monologue and talking about someone who killed themselves, or making a joke about some horrible tragedy - I love being able to fight for and get on TV. I just think it's so different.”

Thinking Different Shows Able Fighting My Own Love Is Talking Tvs Jokes Tragedy My Favorite Horrible Favorites Things Monologues Talking About Someone

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“In comedy, I hate that cop-out where you say, "Just kidding." I know you're just kidding. Don't insult my intelligence by spelling it out for me that much.”

Knows Hate Comedy I Hate Insult Cop Spelling Just Kids

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, "Here's what I would say. Here's what I would do if I got up there." It drives me crazy.”

Ifs Thinking Shows Audience Comedy Crazy Drive Me Crazy Comedy Shows

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“In a late-night monologue, it's not just about being funny; you have to come off as knowledgeable. You have to cultivate a persona of trust and intelligence and likeability.”

Night Late Persona Knowledgeable Monologues Being Funny Late Night

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.”

Thinking Wells Littles Stills I Can Shows Darkness Tvs Trade Tricks Charismatic

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy them laughing before I go on to the next joke. On TV, if I stand there for a minute while they laugh, I look like an idiot who can't remember the next joke.”

Ifs Looks Remember Next Enjoy Laughing Minutes Stage Tvs Goes On Jokes Crowds Idiot

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.”

Trying Doe Seems Situation Comedy Ideals Disaster Comedian Always Trying Learning From Failure

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.”

Want Writing Stuff Comedy Comedian

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I always loved comedy, but it never seemed like something that I could do professionally.”

Comedy Like Something

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“The one thing I've found you really can't joke about - and people think it's death or something - is money. No one thinks it's funny, whether you have it or you don't. Money is just something no one seems to like joking about.”

People Thinking Seems Found One Thing Jokes Found You

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that's my job.”

People Ifs Thinking Jobs Limits Jokes

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I'm a realist all the way. I'm too cynical to be an optimist. But I've lived too much of a charmed life so far to ever be a pessimist.”

Way Too Much Cynical Optimist Pessimist Realist Charmed Charmed Life

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.”

Men Ideas Guy Dramatic Sense Of Humor Funny Guy

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“People are surprised that I'm nice and it helps me out a little bit; it's easy to be nice when everyone thinks you're going to be a jerk but if people think you're a nice guy then it's tough because it's what they expect.”

People Ifs Thinking Littles Helping Guy Easy Bits Nice Little Bit Tough Help Me Being Nice Jerk Nice Guy

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt be the bad guy in the joke; he couldnt upset people, really.”

People Different Past Guy Voice Written Jokes Priorities Upset Bad Guys Jimmy Different Voices

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to say it. It was almost like I had some brilliant novel in my head that I had to get down, and I would interrupt class all the time and get in trouble.”

Class Novel Trouble Jokes Down And Pops Brilliant Bored Grades

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I enjoyed writing for someone elses voice, but I wasnt very good at it.”

Writing Voice Very Good Enjoyed

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“Everyone has the same kind of fears; everyone has the same big problems in the world, which is, like, fear of death and I hope horrible things dont happen to my family, but they do. And I think people laugh at them as this great release.”

People Thinking World Kind Problem Bigs Happens Laughing My Family Horrible Release Fear Of Death Big Problems Horrible Things

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.”

Reason Guy Voice Jokes Raises Tension Offensive Topics Fodder Voice Of Reason

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I had to break up with my last girlfriend for lying about being raped by her neighbor. But I've met her neighbor, he's a cool guy. Not like her other creepy ass neighbor though.”

Lasts Lying Guy Break Mets Neighbor Ass Girlfriend Creepy Like Her Cool Guy

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look.”

Looks Body Humor Funny Form

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.”

Humor Kids School Funny Cost Cents

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.”

People Should Laughing Subjects Cry Inspired Making People Laugh

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“My sister just had a baby, a little newborn. The kid is adorable, so cute. She wouldn't let me hold him, she refuses. She says, 'No way, Anthony, I'm afraid you're gonna drop him.' I'm 32 years old. Like I'm some kind of idiot. Like I don't have a million other ways to hurt that baby.”

Way Years Kind Littles Humor Kids Funny Hurt Millions Baby Let Me Refuse Idiot Cute My Sister Adorable Newborn

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.”

Kids Toms Holmes Cruise Katie

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be a team player.”

Made I Can Belief Comedy Player Team Jokes Despite Boston Marathon Team Player Boston Marathon

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I can stand by a tweet. But Comedy Central said they couldn't publicly support me, unless I deleted it. I wasn't about to tell the people who work for me that they didn't have jobs anymore because I wasn't going to delete a stupid tweet.”

People Said I Can Jobs Support Comedy Stupid Tweet Support Me

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I don't have much racial stuff in my act. And no one's ever really threatened me to my face. Threats on the internet don't bother me so much.”

Faces Stuff Internet Threat Bother Threatened

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“My ultimate goal is to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. And that keeps changing. I didn't want to host my own show until I wrote for someone else's.”

Want Shows Goal My Own Ultimate Host Ultimate Goal

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I've always been fascinated by dark subjects, especially people's reactions to them. Why are people so uncomfortable talking about death if everyone dies?”

People Ifs Dies Dark Talking Subjects Reactions Uncomfortable Fascinated

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I love Austin, but last time I was in town for twelve hours. I was exhausted, drunk and miserable. But none of that was Austin's fault.”

Lasts Hours Towns Faults Drunk Miserable Twelve Last Time Exhausted Austin

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I didn't care about the backlash. I think the reason it was so severe was because they didn't know anything about me in New Zealand. If I had made jokes about a shark attack in the US, no one would have cared.”

Ifs Thinking Knows Made Reason Care Jokes Severe Sharks New Zealand Backlash Shark Attacks

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“What do I care if someone doesn't like me. If I like someone other people hate, it makes me feel special. I think my fans feel that way.”

People Ifs Thinking Way Feels Care Hate Fans Special Like Me I Care Make Me Feel Special

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I don't think Metallica sits around all day wondering why country music fans don't embrace them.”

Thinking Country Wonder Fans Embrace Metallica Music Fans Country Music Fans

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“My favorite sport is football. I'm a die hard Steelers fan. Favorite players were Hines Ward and Greg Lloyd.”

Hard Dies Sports Player Fans Football My Favorite Favorite Sports Steelers

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just calmly tell them on stage.”

Play Wanted Fun Stage Jokes Villain

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don't like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.”

Stills Stage Smart Jokes Complaining Comedian One Liner Whining One Line

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I got into comedy because I wanted to get into writing.”

Writing Wanted Comedy

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could attest.”

Has Beens Matter Natural Teach Growing Up Growing Subjects Fascinated Offensive Subject Matter

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I guess I prefer the laughs. I couldn't do a whole set of just shocks, but I like throwing a fastball inside every now and then to keep people on their toes.”

People Whole Laughing Shock Throwing Now And Then Toes Fastballs

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

About the Author

Born: December 22, 1978
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 199

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