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Famous Anthony Jeselnik Quotes
“I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.”
“I don't want to wake up with cops surrounding my bed tonight.”
“I want to marry the kind of girl that walks out of an abortion clinic with a lollipop.”
“I want to get a tattoo of the word irony, only misspelled.”
“I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.”
“I don't ever want to have kids of my own. But I do want a lot of kids.”
“My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.”