“I found a gray hair one of my testicles the today. No, it wasn't mine, but it's frightening.”
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“I found a gray hair on one of my testicles today. No, it wasn't mine, but it's frightening.”
“When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.”
“I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.”
“I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.”
“Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!”
“When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.”
“I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.”
“For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.”
“I wanna get a little drunk, but I also want some pancakes.”
“I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass.”
“I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.”
“Why do they collect garbarge at 5am? Why? It's garbage. It's not going to go bad again.”