“I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.” YearsFirstsShowsAgeTodayYoungNightFiveComedyWeekStartingClubsComedianCoincidenceComedy ClubsAge Of 20 Author:Emo Philips
“My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.” FirstsHeartStillsBrainFirst TimeDemocratGrandmotherMy Grandmother Author:Emo Philips
“What is eternity? You're on the checkout line at a supermarket. There are seven people in front of you. They are all old. They all have two carts and coupons for every item. They are all paying by check. None of them have ID. It's the checkout girl's first day on the job. She doesn't speak any English. Take away fifteen minutes from that, and you begin to get an idea of what eternity is.” PeopleFirstsTwoIdeasJobsGirlSpeakLinesMinutesFrontsEternitySevenChecksFifteenItemsSupermarketsCartsCheckouts Author:Emo Philips
“My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.” KnowsFirstsKidsJobsBreakDoorsRaisesSellingCardsHipsGrandmotherMy GrandmotherReplacementsChristmas Card Author:Emo Philips
“Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.” MenFirstsMadeSometimesArtistCenturyTearsLaughterOriginalsTake MeSecondsBats20th CenturyCharlieViolinChaplinFunny Men Author:Emo Philips
“When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I'd yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal... You have to let me in now.” KnowsYearsFirstsChildrenRunningKidsDealsDoorsFrontsLet MeSnowFavouriteFront DoorsSnowfall Author:Emo Philips
“Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.” IfsFirstsUsedNightLaughingGrowing UpGrowingStageFirst TimeComedianOne Night Author:Emo Philips
“At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.” GivingFirstsHumorFunnyUsedFiveComedyDollarsGlassesAntidoteLemonadeRefills Author:Emo Philips
“When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.” FirstsHumorFunnyMorningWake UpHotCoffeePot Author:Emo Philips
