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George Burns Quotes

Comedian

George Burns was an American comedian, writer, and singer, born on January 20, 1896, and died on March 9, 1996. Known for his unique humor and longevity, he is one of the most famous comedians of the 20th century.

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Famous George Burns Quotes

“There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men.”

Men Want Different Humor Funny Sex Battle Men And Women Gender Different Things Want Me Women Want

Author:George Burns

“Yale men do not like to be told anything by people who didn't go to Yale. The closest I came to Yale was once I had one of their padlocks.”

People Men Closest Yale Padlocks

Book:Gracie/Caeser Spec Ed

Source: Gracie/Caeser Spec Ed

“A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.”

Men Mind Body Young Night Wonderful Healthy Old Man Wonderful Things Healthy Body Young Minds

Author:George Burns

“Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.”

Ifs Men Wells Ends Dies Waiting Laughing Comedian Repeats Tails

Author:George Burns

“I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.”

Men Years Said Helping Force Waiting Laughing Habit Fellows Repeats Fishing Overboard

Author:George Burns

“Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.”

Ifs Knows Men Firsts Doe Evil Talking Wise Fool Roots Lots Of Money Get Money Money Is The Root Of All Evil

Book:Dr. Burns' prescription for happiness

Source: Dr. Burns' prescription for happiness

“Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.”

Men Funny Games Boys Comedy Wife He Man Husband Bridges Husband And Wife Funny Marriage

Book:Wisdom of the 90s

Source: Wisdom of the 90s

“Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.”

Men Should Play Young Games Sides Court Young Man Tennis Singles

Author:George Burns

About the Author

Born: January 20, 1896
Died: March 9, 1996
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 144

Books & Sources

Gracie/Caeser Spec EdRelated source material

The Most of George BurnsRelated source material

Wisdom of the 90sRelated source material

How to live to be 100--or more: the ultimate diet, sex, and exercise bookRelated source material

Dear GeorgeRelated source material

Dr. Burns' prescription for happinessRelated source material

Living It UpRelated source material

All my best friendsRelated source material

Dear George: advice & answers from America's leading expert on everything from A to BRelated source material

Gracie: A Love StoryRelated source material

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