“The Washington State Supreme Court on Thursday announced a two-year suspension for a lawyer found having jailhouse sex with a triple murder defendant she was representing. HaHa! Jokes on you dummies... I'm not really a lawyer!” YearsTwoStatesHumorFunnySexJokesMurderCourtCaughtLawyerSupremeTwo YearsSupreme CourtRepresentingThursdaySuspensionHahaDummyWashington State Author:Tina Fey
“This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in ten thousand pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over fourteen thousand dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him.” YearsHumorFunnyCoursesLinesBehindsWeekDollarsPoundsGenesPenniesCollectors Author:Tina Fey
“The New York Post quoted Senator Hillary Clinton saying that she would never run for President, declaring "That is not something I'm going to be doing. "Which in Clinton talk means "I will be President in three years.” YearsMeanRunningThreePresidentNew YorkClintonPostsThree YearsSenatorsDeclaring Author:Tina Fey
“I'm such a fan of Lily's [Tomlin], for so many years. I feel like Lily was the first popular mainstream crossover comedian who also was kind of an overtly feminist comedian.” FeelsYearsFirstsKindFansFeministComedianMainstreamLiliesCrossover Author:Tina Fey
“If you watch [The] Search for Signs of Intelligent Life [in the Universe], or The Incredible Shrinking Woman, or 9 to 5, there is a lot of gender politics at the forefront of Lily Tomlin work, which was kind of thrilling for me to be watching as a 10-, 11-, 12-year-old kid.” IfsYearsKindKidsUniverseWatchesIntelligentIncrediblesGenderThrillingLiliesShrinkingIntelligent Life Author:Tina Fey
“Television is a runaway train that you have to get on for nine months of the year. But at the same time, it has a wonderful immediacy.” YearsWonderfulTelevisionMonthsTrainNineRunawayNine MonthsImmediacyMonths Of The Year Author:Tina Fey
“And, you know, politics aside, the success of Sarah Palin and women like her is good for all women - except, of course - those who will end up, you know, like, paying for their own rape 'kit 'n' stuff. But for everybody else, it's a win-win. Unless you're a gay woman who wants to marry your partner of 20 years - whatever. But for most women, the success of conservative women is good for all of us. Unless you believe in evolution. You know - actually, I take it back. The whole thing's a disaster.” KnowsWantYearsBelieveEndsWholeCoursesWinningStuffEvolutionGayConservativePartnersDisasterWomens RightsPalinLike HerWin Win Author:Tina Fey
“My parents raised me that you never ask people about their reproductive plans. “You don’t know their situation,” my mom would say. I considered it such an impolite question that for years I didn’t even ask myself. Thirty-five turned into forty faster than McDonald’s food turns into cold nonfood.” PeopleKnowsYearsTurnsAsksParentSituationFivePlansMomColdRaisedMy MomFasterThirtyFortyMcdonalds Author:Tina Fey
“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.” IfsYearsMeanLittlesHas BeensMadePastFineStressSevenWittyExcitedOverwhelmedSeven YearsReactingAdjectivesProceedingBossypantsPossums Author:Tina Fey
“This worked out perfectly for me in college, because what nineteen-year-old Virginia boy doesn't want a wide-hipped, sarcastic Greek girl with short hair that's permed on top? What's that you say? None of them want that? You are correct.” WantYearsGirlBoysCollegeHairDatingWideGreekSarcasticVirginiaNineteenShort Hair Author:Tina Fey
“Now let me be clear; millions of women around the world nurse their children beautifully for years without giving anybody else a hard time about it. Teat Nazis are a solely western upper-middle-class phenomenon occurring when highly ambitious women experience deprivation from outside modes of achievement.” WorldGivingYearsChildrenHardClassMillionsClearMiddleAchievementLet MeWesternAround The WorldHard TimesMiddle ClassPhenomenonNurseAmbitiousNaziDeprivationUpper Middle ClassAmbitious Women Author:Tina Fey
“Now if you're not „hot”, you are expected to work on it until you are. It's like when you renovate a house and you're legally required to leave just one of the original walls standing. If you don't have a good body you have down to a neutral shape, then bolt on some breast implants, replace your teeth, dye you hair, and call yourself the Playmate of the Year. How do we survive this? How do we teach our daughters and our gay sons that they are good enough the way they are? We have to lead by example.” IfsWayYearsEnoughBodyHouseTeachExampleSonHairWallGayShapesDaughterStandingHotOriginalsExpectedTeethJust OneBreastsGood EnoughBoltsOur DaughterImplantsBreast ImplantsGay Son Author:Tina Fey
“Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that push-up last year for nothing!” YearsLastsRocksArmsWeakLast YearPush Ups Author:Tina Fey
“Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.” KnowsYearsLooksPersonsLongMadeEyeGirlBoysFeetAchieveArmsSkinsScientistBlueLipsAthleteLegsExpectedNineAssHipsNosesCaliforniaClassicOwnersSarcasticHallsGymClosestButtonsBody ImageAsianDollsBlue EyesNine YearsKimSabotageSwedishEvery GirlFunny SarcasticJamaicansBossypantsCaucasianFunny GirlBeautiful LipsAbdominals Author:Tina Fey
“Pissing in jars, they had never been handed a fifteen-year-old Kotex product by the school nurse. But they trusted me and Paula, so I'm proud to say we made” YearsMadeSchoolProductsProudNurseTrustedFifteenJarsFifteen YearsFifteen Years OldSchool Nurse Book:Bossypants Source: Bossypants
“George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an advisor to Kofi Annan regarding Syria, and was selected for a three-person commission investigating rules of war violation in the Gaza Strip. So tonight, her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award.” YearsHumansPersonsWarThreeCasesRightsHusbandAchievementMarriedLifetimeHuman RightsLawyerTonightAwardsSyriaViolationSelectedGazaInvestigatingAdvisorsEnronLifetime AchievementGaza Strip Author:Tina Fey
“Doing one movie every two years is about all I can handle 'cause, being the creator at '30 Rock', my year there starts in the middle of June and goes back around until March.” YearsI CanTwoCausesMiddleRocksCreatorHandleTwo YearsMarchJune Author:Tina Fey
