“I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie.” IfsKnowsKindPersonsQuietSurprisingJunkiePilatesQuiet Person Author:Zach Galifianakis
“I don't want my personal life to change. I don't understand why people strive for fame. I know it's ironic for me to be saying this, but this will be the last one I do.” PeopleKnowsWantLastsFameStriveIronicPersonal Life Author:Zach Galifianakis
“I do whatever comes my way. But I get burned out on stage. It's a lonely world. I think part of the romanticism about being on the road is you get to meet a lot of - my mom once told me, "You've probably got a woman at every port." Like I'm a pirate. Obviously she doesn't know her son that well.” ThinkingKnowsWorldWayWellsStageSonMomLonelyMy MomMy WayBurnedPirateRomanticismPortBurned OutLonely World Author:Zach Galifianakis
“You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.” KnowsHumorFunnyDryLaundrySneakers Author:Zach Galifianakis
“I don't really have a pattern yet. I don't know if I'll develop one. As far as comedic integrity, I don't have integrity in general, comedic or otherwise.” IfsKnowsIntegrityPatternsComedic Author:Zach Galifianakis
“Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, "Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery." I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.” KnowsYearsSaidEndsHumorFunnyMy OwnDealsKnow HowFourCrazyFrontsYears AgoMiseryWorkersBreadFour YearsPizzaMy Own LifeAnklesHutsCo Worker Author:Zach Galifianakis
“You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.” PeopleIfsKnowsI CanHumorFunnyKnow HowGayFatsCerebralCerebral Palsy Author:Zach Galifianakis
“You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.” KnowsHumorFunnyFitFatsSock Author:Zach Galifianakis
“I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.” KnowsWantFacesColorRedRageEmbarrassed Author:Zach Galifianakis
“You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.” KnowsProblemHumorFunnyNamesDrinkingBarsBartenderDrinking Problem Author:Zach Galifianakis
“If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.” IfsKnowsMeanFreakBlogsPilatesWaffles Author:Zach Galifianakis
“I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.” KnowsSmokingPotWeedMarijuanaAssistantsSmoking Weed Author:Zach Galifianakis
“We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the "Girlfriend in a Coma" is, like, really funny.” KnowsMeanSongKnow HowHeardGirlfriendComa Author:Zach Galifianakis
“You know, sometimes if you work - if you do a lot of takes and you work long hours, for me, at least, there is a delirium that starts kicking in on the fifteenth hour, and that can help. Below the just thirteenth hour is where I have a concern, because everybody's so tired.” IfsKnowsLongSometimesHelpingHoursConcernTiredKickingDeliriumLong Hours Author:Zach Galifianakis
