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Quote by Kurt Vonnegut

“If you ever have to give a speech, start with a joke, if you know one. For years I've been looking for the best joke in the world. I think I know what it is. I will tell it to you, but you have to help me. You have to say, "No," when I hold up my hand like this. All right? Don't let me down. Do you know why cream is so much more expensive than milk? AUDIENCE: No. It is because the cows hate to squat on those bottles.”

Quote by Kurt Vonnegut

Work

If This Isn't Nice, What Is?: Advice for the Young

This book is a compilation of essays that provide thoughtful insights and advice for young people navigating life's challenges and opportunities. more

Author

Kurt Vonnegut
Kurt Vonnegut

Kurt Vonnegut was an American writer known for his unique humor and profound satire. His works often explore themes of war, humanity, society, and politics. His most famous works include 'Slaughterhouse-Five' and 'Cat's Cradle'. His writing style has been widely appreciated by readers and has had a profound impact on literature. more

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“Life as a private investigator, slash bounty hunter wasn’t all Gary Beck wanted it to be. There weren’t any big mansions on a palm beach owned by an affluent writer generous enough to let him live rent-free and use his spare Ferrari. But then you have to ask yourself, what could you expect living on a planet like Deanna? As a third-rate colony in the Terran Empire, Deanna had more than its fair share of dull moments. It orbits a star called Ramalama. If you think that’s funny, Deanna’s two moons are called Ding and Dong, respectively (this is a local joke) and one of them falls down occasionally.”

“Look, people, I’m announcing a new rule. It’s going to seem harsh. But it’s necessary.” The word “harsh” got almost everyone’s attention. “We can’t have people sitting around all day playing Wii and watching DVDs. We need people to start working in the fields. So, here’s the thing: everyone age seven or older has to put in three days per week picking fruit or veggies. Then Albert’s going to work with the whole question of freezing stuff that can be frozen, or otherwise preserving stuff.” There was dead silence. And blank stares. “What I’m saying is, tomorrow we’ll have two school buses ready to go. They hold about fifty kids each and we need to have them mostly full because we’re going to pick some melons and it’s a lot of work.” More blank stares. “Okay, let me make this simple: get your brothers and sisters and friends and anyone over age seven and be in the square tomorrow morning at eight o’clock.” “But how about—?” “Just be there,” Sam said with less firmness than he’d intended. His frustration was draining away now, replaced by weariness and depression. “Just be there,” someone mimicked in a singsong voice. Sam closed his eyes, and for a moment he almost seemed to be asleep. Then he opened them again and managed a bleak smile. “Please. Be there,” he said quietly. He walked down the three steps and out of the church, knowing in his heart that few would answer his call.”

“Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.”

“Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.”