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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“British Israelites: The British Israelites believe the white Anglo-Saxons of Britain to be descended from the ten lost tribes of Israel deported by Sargon of Assyria on the fall of Sumeria in 721 B.C. ... They further believe that the future can be foretold by the measurements of the Great Pyramid, which probably means it will be big and yellow and in the hand of the Arabs. They also believe that if you sleep with your head under the pillow a fairy will come and take all your teeth.”

IfsBelieveMeanHandsBigsFallLostSleepWhiteTenHumorousIsraelBritishTeethFairyBritainYellowTribesPillowMeasurementPyramidsAnglo Saxon
Author:Mike Harding
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“In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog, whichever was handy. If you stole a dog and were caught, you were punished with twelve rabbit punches, although it was hard to find rabbits big enough or strong enough to punch you.”

IfsHardEnoughBigsStrongDogCrimeHumorousCatEnglandCaughtStealingBreadFortySheepReceivingTwelveHungRabbitsStrong EnoughLashesHandyOlden Days
Author:Mike Harding
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“All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, because, in the words of U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren Burger in a landmark 1979 tax decision: Where else are you going to read the paper? Outside? What if it rains?”

IfsUseBigsPurposeHouseJusticeDecisionStreetsExampleWallCostTaxesPaperHumorousRainCourtPossessionNewspapersSupremeChiefsCorporationsRelatedWhat IfJournalSupreme CourtBurgersLandmarksBig CorporationsDepreciateWall Street JournalChief JusticeBusiness Related
Author:Dave Barry
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