Home / Topics / Humorous Quotes

Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Humorous Quotes

“Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad.”

Firsts Father Brother Dad Humorous My Brother

Book:King John

Source: King John

“If Blake said that, said Father Brian, he never lived in Dublin.”

Ifs Said Father Humorous Brian Blake Dublin

Book:Bradbury Stories

Source: Bradbury Stories

“"Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too."”

Ifs Wells Said Would Be Funny Mother Father Boys Son Humorous Aunt Well Said

Book:The Works of Charles Dickens

Source: The Works of Charles Dickens

“Mr. Bazzard's father, being a Norfolk farmer, would have furiously laid about him with a flail, a pitch-fork, and every agricultural implement available for assaulting purposes, on the slightest hint of his son's having written a play.”

Play Funny Purpose Father Written Son Humorous Available Farmers Hints Forks Norfolk

Book:The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: Edwin Drood and Miscellaneous

Source: The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: Edwin Drood and Miscellaneous

“Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.”

Should Humor Funny Father Family Heard Humorous Bases Fatherhood Family Life Ideal Husband Unhappy Family

Book:The Best of Oscar Wilde: Selected Plays and Writings

Source: The Best of Oscar Wilde: Selected Plays and Writings

“By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.”

Thinking Men Funny Father Realizing Son Humorous Parenting Hilarious Father Son Funny Parenting

Author:Charles Wadsworth

“Many a man wishes he were strong enough to tear a telephone book in half - especially if he has a teenage daughter.”

“Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.”

Giving Should Kids Father Wind Baby Humorous Breasts Chests Feeding Breastfeeding

Author:Mike Harding

“My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings”

Life Funny Father Humorous Witty Mood Take Me Swings Playgrounds Mood Swing

Author:Jay London

“Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.”

Giving Made Funny America Father Wish Rich Son Humorous Nationalism Hardship

Author:Robert Frost

“My father must have had some elementary education for he could read and write and keep accounts inaccurately”

Writing Humor Funny Father Humorous Accounts Fatherhood

Author:George Bernard Shaw

“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”

Said Wanted Remember Father Comedy Pieces Dad Humorous Fingers Happy Proof Fathers Day Kidnapped Funny Fathers Day Funny Father Funny Happy Fathers Day

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“The only thing that prevented a father's love from faltering was the fact that there was in his possession a photograph of himself at the same early age, in which he, too, looked like a homicidal fried egg.”

Facts Age Father Humorous Photograph Possession Eggs Homicidal Faltering

Author:P. G. Wodehouse

“There, in the middle of this mall is the Washington Monument, 555 feet high. But if we put a one in front of that 555 feet, we get 1555, the year that our first fathers landed on the shores of Jamestown, Virginia as slaves.”

Ifs Years Firsts Father Feet Middle Fronts Stupid Humorous Slave Shore Monument Virginia Malls Jamestown Washington Monument

Author:Louis Farrakhan