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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“I intended to give you some advice but now I remember how much is left over from last year unused.”

Giving Years Funny Lasts Remember Left Advice Humorous Last Year

Author:George Harris

“I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.”

Ifs Knows Men Giving Firsts Humor Would Be Funny Pieces Food Humorous Traveler Airports Airline Suitcases Luggage Dummy Air Travel

Author:Erma Bombeck

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”

Source: The Ultimate Quotable Einstein

“Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.”

“It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.”

Giving Funny Terrible Humorous Proof Accents Manhood Oath Swearing Profanity

Author:William Shakespeare

“Now you can't even carry a nail clipper on a plane. Are they afraid you're going to go..."All right! Give me the plane or the b*tch loses her cuticle." ?”

Giving Loses Humorous Give Me Planes Nails Airline Air Travel

Author:Robin Williams

“The poor Americans are so busy defending the rights of Hindus in Pakistan, Moslems in India, Jews in Palestine, Koreans in Japan, Italians in Yugoslavia and Hungarians in Czechoslovakia that they simply cannot give a thought to Negroes in the United States.”

Source: How to scrape skies: the United States explored, rediscovered and explained

“In my experience, if you go to a hospital for any reason whatsoever, including to read the gas meter, they give you a tetanus shot.”

Ifs Giving Reason Humor Funny Humorous Shots Doctors Medicine Including Gas Hospitals Meter Tetanus

Book:Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus

Source: Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus