Home / Topics / Humorous Quotes

Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Humorous Quotes

“If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?”

Ifs Needs Inspiration Funny Numbers Humorous Empowerment Phones Witty Psychics Phone Numbers

Author:Robin Williams

“I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.”

Writing Book Done Humor Funny Numbers Pages Humorous Witty Crafts Writing A Book

Author:Steven Wright

“The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.”

Voice Numbers Humorous Jeeves Wrong Number

Book:The World of Jeeves: (Jeeves & Wooster)

Source: The World of Jeeves: (Jeeves & Wooster)

“There's an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.”

“I've always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, "Where did I come from, Mommy?" They will range from "Number 176 vial in Buffalo, New York," to "You were defrosted."”

Giving Children Humor Kids Funny Asks Answers Numbers Generations New York Baby Humorous Variety Range Intrigued This Generation Buffalo

Author:Erma Bombeck

“A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.”

Men Made Humor Care Funny Dies Numbers Humorous Doctors Medicine Medical Reputation

Book:Collected letters: 1926-1950

Source: Collected letters: 1926-1950

“It is commonly believed that anyone who tabulates numbers is a statistician. This is like believing that anyone who owns a scalpel is a surgeon.”

Believe Funny Numbers Humorous Statistics Surgeons Statistician Scalpels

Author:Robert Hooke

“I issued a number of denials to people I thought needed to hear them”

People Numbers Stupid Needed Humorous Denial

Author:William J. Clinton

“Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.”

Persons Able School Used Numbers Office Humorous Phones Used To Be Telephones Elevators Answering Machines Wrong Number

Book:Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession

Source: Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession

“Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several years trying to kill themselves. If your home contains a sharp, toxic object, your baby will locate it; if your home contains no such object, your baby will try to obtain one via mail order.”

Source: Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have Around the Home

“There are also a number of humans living up there (Canada), and in many ways they have a lifestyle quite similar to ours, including such traditional American activities as driving Japanese cars.”

Way Humans Humor Funny Numbers Car Activity Humorous Including Driving Lifestyle Traditional Canada

Book:Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

Source: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need