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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes.”

Hands Seems Funny America Humorous Gun Circles Smoking Acceptable Cigarette Cigar Smoking Cigarettes Smoking Cigars Smoking A Pipe Tobacco Smoking Funny Smoking Pipe Smoking

Author:Katharine Whitehorn

“Smoking is indispensable if one has nothing to kiss.”

Ifs Funny Kissing Humorous Smoking Indispensable Cigar Smoking Cigars

Author:Sigmund Freud

“A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry to a woman.”

Men Funny Cry Comfort Humorous Smoking Cigar Smokers Smoking Cigars

Author:Edward Bulwer-Lytton, 1st Baron Lytton

“But when I don't smoke I scarcely feel as if I'm living. I don't feel as if I'm living unless I'm killing myself.”

Ifs Feels Funny Humorous Killing Smoke Smoking Cigarette Tobacco Cigar Smoking Cigarettes Smoking Cigars Cosy Smoking A Pipe Tobacco Smoking Pipe Smoking Cigarette Smoke Killing Myself

Book:The Turtle Diary

Source: The Turtle Diary

“Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.”

Ifs Said Funny Humorous Fats Smoke Smoking Zero Warning Cigarette Cigar Smoking Cigarettes Smoking Cigars Cigarette Smoke

Author:Dave Barry

“Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.”

Men Should Funny Sleep Activity Eating Humorous Enjoyment Smoking Cigar Smoking Cigars Interrupting Smoking A Pipe Tobacco Smoking Cuban Cigars

Author:Mark Twain

“I promised myself that if ever I had some money that I would savor a cigar each day after lunch and dinner. This is the only resolution of my youth that I have kept, and the only realized ambition which has not brought disillusion.”

Ifs Funny Youth Ambition Humorous Dinner Each Day Smoking Resolution Lunch Cigar Disillusion Smoking Cigars

Author:W. Somerset Maugham

“If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it.”

Ifs Firsts Funny Ten Humorous Paid Dollars Smoke Smoking Making Love Cigar Smokers Smoking Cigars Tobacco Smoking

Author:George Burns

“If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.”

Ifs Funny Heaven Humorous Smoke Smoking Cigar Smoking Cigars Funny Smoking

Author:Mark Twain

“After a truly good meal, an outstanding cigar is still the most satisfying after-dinner activity that doesn't involve two human beings.”

Humans Stills Two Funny Human Beings Activity Humorous Dinner Good Meals Smoking Satisfying Outstanding Cigar Smoking Cigars Good Meals Cuban Cigars

Author:Brad Shaw

“A cigar has "...a fire at one end and a fool at the other."”

“I am sure there are many things better than a good cigar, but right now, I can't think of what they might be.”

Thinking I Can Might Funny Right Now Humorous Good Smoking Cigar Smoking Cigars Cuban Cigars

Author:Richard Carleton

“Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.”