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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies, the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they get a nose bleed, which usually cures them of that.”

Men Tree He Man Moon Humorous Sacred West Cures Noses Tribes Ceremony Bangs West Africa

Author:Mike Harding

“Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.”

Air Tree Percent Humorous Plant Pollution Eighty Air Pollution Plants And Trees

Author:Ronald Reagan

“On summer evenings, when every flower, and tree, and bird, might have better addressed my soft young heart, I have in my day been caught in the palm of a female hand by the crown, have been violently scrubbed from the neck to the roots of the hair as a purification for the Temple, and have then been carried off highly charged with saponaceous electricity, to be steamed like a potato in the unventilated breath of the powerful Boanerges Boiler and his congregation, until what small mind I had, was quite steamed out of me”

Source: Novels

“A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.”

Funny Guy Perfect Tree Humorous Plant Christmas Comedian Host Christmas Tree

Author:Jay Leno

“I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.”

Knows Looks Funny Family Tree Humorous My Family Witty Look Up Ancestor Ancestry Reunion Sap Genealogy Love Your Family Family Reunion Funny Family Funny Family Reunion

Book:Much Ado About me

Source: Much Ado About me

“Tax reform means, "Don't tax you, don't tax me. Tax that fellow behind the tree."”

Mean Political Politics Behinds Liberty Tree Taxes Humorous Fellows Libertarian Reform Libertarianism Tax Reform

Author:Russell B. Long

“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”

Funny Found Family Tree Humorous My Family Witty Forests Sap Genealogy

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“It seems an easy choice - sacrifice the tree for a human life - until one learns that three trees must be destroyed for each patient treated. Suddenly we must confront some tough questions. How important are the medical needs of future generations?”

Source: Earth in the Balance: Forging a New Common Purpose

“The beaver, which has come to represent Canada as the eagle does the United States and the lion Britain, is a flat-tailed, slow-witted, toothy rodent known to bite off it's own testicles or to stand under its own falling trees.”

Doe States Fall United Known United States Tree Humorous Britain Canada Flats Lions Bites Eagles Beavers Testicles Rodents Canada Day Canada Funny Happy Canada Day Canada Being Great

Book:Portrait of Canada

Source: Portrait of Canada

“Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding." Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree's on a golf course, all the better.”

Ifs Men Made Said Ideas God Humor Funny Courses Sound Church Tree Worship Humorous Golf Climbing Golf Course Worship God Aluminum Siding

Book:I'm Not Really Here

Source: I'm Not Really Here