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Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Humorous Quotes

“What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America, or Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.”

“It is considered in England and the United States that the Government of South Africa is altogether too harsh with its native peoples. It is sadly humorous to notice that the native in South Africa, however, holds an exactly reverse opinion and the fault he finds with the South African Government is that it is far too lenient in its administration of laws throughout the native populace.”

States Government Law United Opinion United States Humorous England Faults South Administration Native South Africa Reverse Harsh Lenient

Author:L. Ron Hubbard

“If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?”

Ifs Thinking World Stills States Earth America United United States Humorous Built Shopping Shopping Centers

Author:Richard M. Nixon

“Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.”

“If a President of the United States ever lied to the American people, he should resign.”

People Ifs Should States President United United States Stupid Humorous Presidency Lied

Author:William J. Clinton

“It was decided almost two hundred years ago that English should be the language spoken in the United States. It is not known, however, why this decision has not been carried out.”

Should Years Two States Funny America Language Decision United Known United States Humorous Hundred Years Ago Decided

Author:George Mikes

“The Russians will never be able to get their missiles thought the dense protective layer of delayed flights circling over the United States in complex, puke-inducing holding patterns.”

States Humor Able Funny United United States Food Humorous Complexes Patterns Flight Layers Protective Airline Missiles Dense Delayed Air Travel Puke

Author:Dave Barry

“We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though these cards is enough to remind you why this great nation, despite all the talk of decline, still leads the world in tranquilizer consumption.”

World Has Beens Stills States Enough Funny America Universe Nations United United States Humorous Despite Cards Decline Consumption Glances Parallels Great Nations Parallel Universe

Book:Dave Barry Talks Back

Source: Dave Barry Talks Back

“The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the lamest, wimpiest beer in the entire known world. All the other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer, and we are drinking Barry Manilow.”

World States Funny America Nations United Known United States Sweet Taste Humorous Drinking Beer Rays Lacking

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“It is great fun dying in the United States of America. It is great fun first of all for the undertakers who make a wonderful living out of it but also for the deceased who suddenly becomes the centre of attention and fuss.”

Firsts States Funny America Fun United Attention United States Wonderful Dying Humorous United States Of America Centre Deceased Undertaker Centre Of Attention

Book:How to scrape skies: the United States explored, rediscovered and explained

Source: How to scrape skies: the United States explored, rediscovered and explained

“The poor Americans are so busy defending the rights of Hindus in Pakistan, Moslems in India, Jews in Palestine, Koreans in Japan, Italians in Yugoslavia and Hungarians in Czechoslovakia that they simply cannot give a thought to Negroes in the United States.”

Source: How to scrape skies: the United States explored, rediscovered and explained

“The beaver, which has come to represent Canada as the eagle does the United States and the lion Britain, is a flat-tailed, slow-witted, toothy rodent known to bite off it's own testicles or to stand under its own falling trees.”

Doe States Fall United Known United States Tree Humorous Britain Canada Flats Lions Bites Eagles Beavers Testicles Rodents Canada Day Canada Funny Happy Canada Day Canada Being Great

Book:Portrait of Canada

Source: Portrait of Canada