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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“I drew pictures for and about the soldiers because I knew what their life was like and understood their gripes. I wanted to make something out of the humorous situations which come up even when you don't think life could be any more miserable.”

Thinking Wanted Situation Understood Humorous Soldier Come Up Miserable

Author:Bill Mauldin

“I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.”

Wanted Funny Water Humorous Witty Silly Drank Boiling Boiling Water Boiling Point

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I was on Batman with "Superheavy" or "Zero Year" where there was a lot of fun and bombast, but it was also personal. [In All-Star], I wanted to take that to its complete extreme, like the end of the Earth extreme, where it's over-the-top humorous, yet at the same time really deeply about what I think is of this particular moment in time, at least for me. The things I'm terrified of and the things I'm hopeful about. My life is the page.”

Thinking Years Ends Moments Wanted Earth Life Is Fun Stars Particular Pages Humorous Extremes Hopeful Zero Terrified Moments In Time Over The Top Really Deep All Stars

Author:Scott Snyder

“If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.”

Ifs Wanted Funny Women Humorous Witty Diamond Funny Inspirational

Author:Joan Rivers

“I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football, and I have 20/20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee.”

Giving Ideas Play Wanted Young Sports Vision Careers Feet Football Basketball Giving Up Six Humorous Pounds Tall American Football Sportsmanship Parameters Referee Funny Motivational

Author:Jay Leno

“We're wanted men, we'll strike again, but first let's have a beer.”

Men Firsts Wanted Humorous Strikes Beer Brewing Brewing Beer

Author:Jimmy Buffett

“All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought”

Life Humor Wanted Funny Losing Humorous Train Witty Clever Train Of Thought

Author:Robert Breault

“I wanted to do an hour-long show, and I wanted to something that was dramatic and sometimes funny and humorous, as well. I'm just delighted to have this opportunity to be a part of this project.”

Wells Long Sometimes Shows Wanted Opportunity Hours Projects Humorous Dramatic Delighted

Author:Ron Glass

“I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”

Doe Wanted Funny Politics Humorous Red Army Witty Knives Switzerland

Author:Billy Connolly

“I never wanted to go on stage alone because if you mess up, who can you blame?”

Ifs Wanted Funny Stage Goes On Humorous Blame Entrepreneur Actresses Singers Mess African American Me Alone Messed Up Blaming Others

Author:Patti LaBelle

“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”

Said Wanted Remember Father Comedy Pieces Dad Humorous Fingers Happy Proof Fathers Day Kidnapped Funny Fathers Day Funny Father Funny Happy Fathers Day

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with.”

Ifs Thinking Humor Wanted Funny Given Church Behinds Humorous Bigger

Book:Holidays in Hell

Source: Holidays in Hell