Best jokes & want Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings Page 2

“I'm not going to name any names, but let's just say, I want to do jokes on Donald Trump so badly, and I have no venue. So right now, I'm just dry Trumping.”

Want Names Trump Right Now Jokes Dry Venues

Author:Stephen Colbert

“I've got to have something. I want to stop it all, the whole monumental grotesque joke, before it's too late. But writing poems and letters doesn't seem to do much good.”

Want Writing Whole Seems Late Jokes Letters Too Late Grotesque Writing Poems Before It's Too Late

Book:The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Source: The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

“I don't want to be elected president to sit around and see gridlock just become so dominant that people literally decline in their lives. That's not my motivation. I have a lot of cool things to do other than sitting around, being miserable, listening to people demonize me and being compelled to demonize them. That is a joke. Elect Trump if you want that. If you want somebody who has a heart for people, who can fight for people, and can fix these things, then there are a couple other people, and I believe I'm the best one.”

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Author:Jeb Bush

“I try to play the stiff, as much as I can, and play it dry, which is sometimes hard for me. My problem with comedy is to want to clown it up, but she's the funny one. Those are her jokes, not mine. For me, it's a lot of not doing anything. I just don't want to muck it up.”

Want Trying I Can Sometimes Hard Play Problem Comedy Mines Jokes Dry Clown

Author:John Cho

“There are a lot of comedic actors who are just out to be the funny one and get all the laughs and they'll sacrifice your joke, the scene, the story just to be the star. All they want is attention and to be number one. You can spot those guys from a mile away and they're the worst.”

Want Stories Guy Actors Stars Numbers Attention Laughing Sacrifice Worst Scene Jokes Miles Spots Comedic Miles Away

Author:Jake M. Johnson

“On a spiritual level, on a place where you want to be a better human being and listen more, I try. I joke, but it has. I mean, I don't consider myself a card-carrying Buddhist, you know. But I do believe deeply in the ideas, and I think anytime you have interest in anything, it somehow humbles you.”

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Author:Jake Gyllenhaal

“I feel like you can share as many jokes as you want to because no joke you do on Twitter is ever gonna be so big on Twitter, for the most part, that you can't say it on stage that same night.”

Want Feels Bigs Night Share Stage Like You Jokes

Author:W. Kamau Bell

“The trouble with the jokes is that once they're written, I know how they're supposed to work, and all I can do is not hit them. I'm more comfortable improvising. If I have just two or three ideas and I know how the character feels, what the character wants, everything in between is like trapeze work.”

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Author:Stephen Colbert

“Trans people deserve something vital. They deserve your respect... If you want to call me names, make jokes, doubt my intentions, go ahead, because the reality is I can take it. But for the thousands of kids out there who are coming to terms with being true to who they are, they shouldn't have to take it.”

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Author:Bruce Jenner

“Here's the thing, with comedy - and I learned this from Will Ferrell - you can't be ashamed. If you're doing comedy, you have to fully commit to the joke. Shame is not part of it. If you act shy or uncomfortable about your body, that makes the audience shy and uncomfortable. And in a comedy you just want them to loosen up and laugh.”

Ifs Want Body Audience Laughing Comedy Jokes Shame Your Body Commit Uncomfortable Ashamed Shy

Author:John C. Reilly

“I don't write jokes first. I write down topics. I think of what I want to talk about, and then I write the jokes - they don't write me... And even if you don't think it's funny, you won't think it's boring. You might disagree, but you'll listen. And maybe even laugh as you disagree.”

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Author:Chris Rock

“As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I'd love to be making jokes about that. Who wants to miss out on that? If the world is going to end, I want to be there the night before, goofing off.”

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Author:Jon Stewart

“And I watch all the dailies and I grade the jokes or the moments, you know, on a scale from... so I know exactly what we have. And so I can then go into the editing room and be like "I want you to do this moment, this moment, this joke, that joke. I'd like to see 3 versions."”

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Author:Nicholas Stoller

“Now, I want to explain something to you guys. I don't have an ending joke, because I don't tell jokes. I tell real-life stories and make them funny. So, I'm not like the average comedian. They have an ending joke; they always holler Peace! I'm out of here, and walk off stage. So, basically, when I get through performing on stage, I just walk off.”

Want Real Stories Guy Walks Stage Jokes Average Real Life Comedian Performing Life Story Performing On Stage

Author:Bruce Bruce

“If my dog wants to know why I didn't feed him this morning, he may want to rethink walking out of the room when I'm telling him a joke.”

Ifs Knows Want May Rooms Morning Dog Walking Jokes My Dog Walking Out

Author:Dana Gould

“Even if you get a joke right you've done it a thousand times and sometimes there's times where it just doesn't work or someone doesn't agree with you. And I want to show that. I have had more hecklers because that's part of comedy is arguments, you know?”

Ifs Knows Want Sometimes Done Shows Comedy Thousand Jokes Argument Agree Hecklers

Author:Godfrey

“I still don't really know what my style is. I like a lot of different kinds of comedy, I like watching it and I like being inventive and original. That's the problem with doing a longer set - you can't do every joke that you have because some stuff contradicts other stuff. Even when you know that the audience knows that you're joking and it's not true, you still can't do a joke about your family dying and then later talk about your Mom. I mean you want to keep some kind of cohesive order going.”

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Author:Bonnie McFarlane

“He's a very funny and very nice man. When you read the script, you want to stick with it. But when you're with Eddie Murphy you've got to improvise. He's always making jokes and making me crack up when the camera's on.”

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Author:Raven-Symone

“I got kind of scared when I thought they wanted me to do something... I didn't want to be naked on the front of a magazine unless everybody would know it was a joke. I wouldn't want to be naked even then.”

Knows Want Kind Wanted Fronts Jokes Scared Naked Magazines

Author:Dolly Parton

“Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.”

Ifs Want Use Kids Comedy Nice Jokes Blue Clubs Comedian Performing Bad Word Comedy Clubs

Author:Gilbert Gottfried

“I was at a photo shoot, and I was wearing a cross necklace that my mom bought me, and somebody made a joke like, 'Why are you wearing a cross? Like you would be religious.' And then they took it away. I was really affected by that. The whole thing made me realize that I do want a cross with me at all times.”

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Author:Kate Upton

“It is important to remember when making jokes about women, that they are not a minority. They weren't captured on another continent and brought here in leg-irons (funny shoes, yes, but not leg-irons) and Hitler didn't blame them for Germany's loss in WWI. Therefore, you can make any kind of fun of them you want.”

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Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“I love jokes as much as anyone, but I don't want to hear my snail jokes every day. But I might want to hear a good song every day.”

Want Might Song Jokes Snail

Author:Neil Peart

“To me, the highest expression of life is art with jokes. It's very rarified, very difficult to accomplish if you want to be more than just funny, and more than just jokes about human gaseousness.”

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Author:Neil Peart

“I don't have to change anything. I think that's the secret to comedy. You want to be universal and appeal to everyone. You want to put yourself in a position that no matter what you're talking about, everyone can relate to it and understand it, because it's an experience that everyone can go through. That's what I pattern my writing material and jokes after. I'm trying to maintain a level of realness that my fans can appreciate.”

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Author:Kevin Hart

“My friends joke that I love planning things - which I do - and the reason is because there's so much I want to do, so many things I want to see and experience. If I don't actively pursue these things, I will never do everything I want to do, in life and in my career. That's what gets me up in the morning.”

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Author:Benjamin Stone

“I like to joke that you usually write more books before death than after death, so that's why I'm doing it. But really, I remain engaged with ideas. There are so many things happening that turn me on and I just want to examine them.”

Want Writing Book Ideas Turns Happenings Jokes Things Happen Engaged After Death Turn Me Before Death

Author:T.C. Boyle

“Authenticity seems like sort of a joke. Actually I believe it was the late comedian George Burns who said, "if you can fake sincerity, you've got it made." People cannot be invariant across situations and roles and, moreover, leaders need to be true not to themselves, but to what others want, need, and expect from them.”

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Author:Jeffrey Pfeffer

“I use a lot of humor, and I follow the saying that if you want to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh first, otherwise, they will shoot you. So I can tell you a joke and maybe you will laugh at the beginning. But it's not about telling jokes.”

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Author:Sayed Kashua

“You who have suffered so much do not want to be with the kind of person who makes "black widow" jokes to deal with an uncomfortable, painful moment. You should be with a person capable of great compassion and understanding.”

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Author:Mallory Ortberg

“Star Wars film is breaking all previous box office records. (Why might we want to revisit those characters, that narrative, those jokes and tropes again, in this way, right now? I wonder what it will turn out to reveal about the economics and politics of this moment.)”

Way Want War Moments Character Might Film Turns Stars Wonder Records Right Now Office Jokes Economics Boxes Narrative Box Office Tropes

Author:Laura Mullen

“I think you can be politically incorrect, but there's some responsibility with that. You've got to make sure that you are not condoning or bolstering any racial or other stereotypes. You've got to be free to make jokes, but just make sure...you don't want to go and black face somewhere to just prove a point. If it's insulting and offensive just for the sake of it that's problematic.”

Ifs Thinking Want Faces Black Responsibility Prove Jokes Sake Offensive Stereotype Insulting Black Face

Author:Sacha Baron Cohen

“I used to tell myself when I was much younger that I didn't want to wake up one day and be 32 years old and still playing records. It's just not going to happen. Well, the joke is on me, because I'm 56 years old now.”

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Author:Frankie Knuckles

“With comics it's very close, like, "I don't want to say anything onstage that I wouldn't say offstage." Or vice versa. I say "faggot" in my special and in the joke I am the faggot, if that makes sense.”

Ifs Want Special Jokes Vices Make Sense Say Anything Vice Versa

Author:Neal Brennan

“I actually write some pretty tough jokes. I don't want to push the "soft" angle too much.”

Want Writing Too Much Jokes Tough Angle

Author:Allison Silverman

“I keep on repeating something told to me by an American psychologist: "When you are making a joke about someone and you are the only one to laugh, it is not a joke. It is a joke only for yourself." If people are making a joke they have the right to laugh at me but I will ignore them. Ignoring doesn't mean that you don't understand. You understand it so much that you don't want to react.”

People Ifs Want Mean Laughing Jokes Psychologist

Author:Tariq Ramadan

“I started to make a joke that I had an imaginary friend underneath the let-out couch named Binky. I would never talk to him; I would only use him as entertainment for other people. I knew they thought that children had imaginary friends, so I was like, "I don't really believe in imaginary friends, but I want to feel like I do." I used to make a joke, "My imaginary friend Binky says this," because I knew it would get a laugh out of them.”

People Want Feels Believe Children Use Used Laughing Jokes Entertainment Imaginary Couches Imaginary Friend

Author:Keke Palmer

“I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.”

Want Figures Jokes

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“There were always jokes about Hillary Clinton channeling Eleanor Roosevelt, but Eleanor Roosevelt was really instrumental at the UN, and would want to meet with various other delegates.”

Want Jokes Clinton Various Channeling Delegates Eleanor

Author:Madeleine Albright

“You don't see a wonderful shot in a comedy. Why? Because they don't want to distract you from what matters, which is the joke. It has to be funny, so usually all the things in the background don't matter.”

Want Matter Comedy Wonderful Jokes Shots Backgrounds What Matters

Author:Fede Alvarez

“The movie studios, they only like to make - I make a joke, but it's true - if the movie has the word "man" and a number in the title, they'll make it. If it doesn't have that, it's an R-rated raunchy comedy, and that's it. Any other movie that you're going to make is going to be an independent one. So for filmmakers who want to do something other than "man" and a number, it's either independent films or television, which is like the place for real creative filmmakers to go.”

Ifs Men Want Real Film Numbers Creative Comedy Television Jokes Independent Studios Titles Filmmaker Independent Film

Author:Rob Reiner

“I like to talk about very different topics. I like to jump around a lot because I don't want people to come see me and then for an hour I tell jokes about being a little person. I just don't want that to happen. I understand that it's part of me, that's the first thing that you notice and it's something that people are curious about.”

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Author:Brad Williams

“I don't know how to write jokes from the point of view of a six-foot-two guy. So, I'll always talk about it, but I just don't want it to be the absolute focus of all of my act.”

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Author:Brad Williams

“Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to - everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke for them.”

Want Jokes

Author:Brad Williams

“I try not to be mean for the sake of being mean, and if I do do a joke or a tweet or something that is at someone's expense - and those are my fine lines; obviously they're there - I want it to be something that's pretty much across the board we all as a society agree this is bad.”

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Author:Brad Williams

“I don't want them hip white people coming up to me and calling me no n - - or telling me n - - jokes. I don't like it.”

People Want White Calling Jokes Hips

Author:Richard Pryor

“As you go on you realize "Okay I know how to get laughs but am I saying things I want to say? Am I writing jokes that I like?" You get to a point that is that so you move on.”

Knows Want Writing Moving Realizing Laughing Know How Like You Goes On Jokes Okay I Like You

Author:Baron Vaughn

“I've found great virtue in two-thirds of the way into the message; right before I'm really want to nail home a point, pausing to tell a joke or to tell a light-hearted story, because I know my audience has been working with me now for 20 or 25 minutes. And if I can get them to laugh, get oxygen into their system, it wakes up those who might be sleeping, so there's something about using a story to draw people back in right before you drive home your final point. In that case I think it's real legitimate just to use a story for story's sake.”

“[Elbowing incident] was a joke but what I want to say now is that I'm a bit sad that everyone failed to see that.”

Want Bits Jokes Incidents

Author:Seungri

“I always thought it was important to overdeliver, and when I got one of my first jobs, writing jokes for Garry Shandling when he was hosting the Grammys, I stayed up all night and wrote a hundred jokes, and I thought, "I'm always going to be the person that gives them more than they requested, and that's why they'll want to keep me around."”

Want Giving Writing Firsts Persons Important Jobs Night Jokes Hundred All Night Up All Night

Author:Judd Apatow

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