Quotessence
Home / Topics / Jokes Quotes

Jokes Quotes

Browse 3112 quotes about Jokes.

Related topics

PeopleIfsThinkingLaughingKnowsWritingWantComedyWayKindTryingMenI CanShowsFunnyLittlesWorldFirstsSaidHumorMeanComedianFeelsAudienceStoriesYearsLooksMadeGuyPersonsRealSometimesWellsUsedIdeasSeriousFunCharacterStillsPlayShouldStuffLinesWholeGivingHardKidsLongDifferentHas BeensTwoBelieveWould BeNeedsAbleBigsEndsRememberBitsBookDoneNightMatterMightHumansLaughterChildrenTalkingMomentsFilmNextHappensImportantWantedHeardSeemsStageCracksHomeMindPractical JokeReasonSense Of HumorStupidDoeRunningActorsDirtyGirlMayPracticalsRoomsCareEnoughHelpingRealizingUseFactsSexSituationmore

Jokes Quotes

“If you have the personalities down, you understand them and identify with them; you can stick them in any situation and have a pretty good idea of how they're going to respond. Then it's just a matter of sanding and polishing up the jokes. But if you've got more ambiguous characters or stock stereotypes, the plastic comes through and they don't work as well. These two characters clicked for me almost immediately and I feel very comfortable working with them.”

IfsFeelsWellsTwoIdeasMatterCharacterSituationPersonalityComfortableJokesSticksGood IdeasPlasticStereotypeAmbiguityAmbiguous
Author:Bill Watterson
Create image

“Freud believed that our dreams sometimes recapitulate a speech, a comment we've heard or something that we've read. I always had compositions in my dreams. They would be a joke, a piece of a novel, a witticism or a piece of dialogue from a play, and I would dream them. I would actually express them line by line in the dream. Sometimes after waking up I would remember a snatch or two and write them down. There's something in me that just wants to create dialogue.”

WantWritingTwoSometimesPlayDreamWould BeRememberLinesNovelPiecesHeardSpeechJokesWake UpDialogueCommentWakingCompositionOur Dreams
Author:David Mamet
Create image

“It's a great historical joke that when the Spanish met the Aztecs, it was a blind date made in serve-you-right heaven. At the time, they were the two most unpleasant cultures in the entire world, and richly deserved each other. Still, the story of how stout Cortes blustered, bullied and bludgeoned his way to collapsing an entire empire with a handful of contagious hoodlums is astonishing.”

WorldWayMadeStillsTwoStoriesCultureHeavenHistoryHumourMetsJokesBlindHistoricalEmpiresHandfulAstonishingContagiousBulliedStoutBlind DateGreat Historical
Author:A. A. Gill
Create image

“Thanks to feminism, women can now acquire status in two ways: through marriage or their own achievements. Cure cancer or marry the man who does, either way society will applaud. Unless he marries into the British royal family, it doesn't work that way for men. Wives shed no glory on their husbands. Having tea with Nancy Reagan is an honor; having tea with Denis Thatcher is a joke.”

MenWayDoeTwoWifeFeminismHe ManHonorHusbandAchievementGloryJokesCancerBritishCuresThanksTeaAcquireShedRoyalTwo WaysNancyRoyal Family
Author:Katha Pollitt
Create image

“Although I knew enough Freud to believe that the sex urge was an important mainspring of life, it still seemed to me that any conscious manifestation of sex was necessarily ludicrous. Defecation and copulation were two activities which made a human being totally ridiculous. At least the former could be conducted in private, but the latter by definition demanded a partner. I discovered, though, that whenever I ventured this opinion, people took it as a joke.”

PeopleBelieveHumansMadeStillsTwoImportantEnoughSexHuman BeingsOpinionActivityJokesConsciousDefinitionsPartnersRidiculousFormerManifestationLatterUrges
Author:Paul Bowles
Create image

“When two terms belong to the same category, it is proper to construct conjunctive propositions embodying them. Thus a purchaser may say that he bought a left-hand glove and a right- hand glove, but not that he bought a left-hand glove, a right- hand glove, and a pair of gloves. 'She came home in a flood of tears and a sedan-chair' is a well known joke based on the absurdity of conjoining terms of different types. Now the dogma of the Ghost in the Machine does just this. It maintains that there exist both bodies and minds.”

MindWellsMayDoeTwoDifferentHomeBodyHandsLeftTermKnownTearsTypeJokesMachinesGhostChairsPairsCategoriesDogmaFloodAbsurdityConstructsWell KnownPropositionsMind And BodyGlovesLeft HandPurchasers
Book:The Concept of Mind
Create image

“The two-party system is a bad joke on the American people; when it comes to Republicans and Democrats remember they are two sides of the same coin. Voting for the lesser of two evils is still a vote for evil and not an answer to our problems. A vote for a Republican or a Democrat will not fix anything and is a wasted vote.”

PeopleStillsTwoProblemRememberEvilSidesAnswersPartyRepublicanJokesVoteDemocratVotingCoinsTwo SidesLesser EvilTwo EvilsTwo Party SystemLesser Of Two EvilsBad Jokes
Author:Aaron Russo
Create image

“The first joke I got on the air I remember clearly. Dennis McNicholas and Robert Carlock wrote a sketch where they were evacuating the Titanic, and the last two guys on the entire ship were the two black guys, Samuel L. Jackson and Tracy Morgan. So Will Ferrell was running back and forth, saying, "All first-class passengers get in the lifeboat. All second-class passengers and third-class passengers get in the lifeboat. Let's get all the animals in the lifeboat. Let's put all the empty luggage in the lifeboat."”

FirstsTwoRunningLastsRememberGuyBlackAnimalClassAirJokesEmptyThirdsShipsBack And ForthPassengersFirst ClassLuggageTwo GuysRunning BackLifeboatsTracyBlack GuysSamuel L Jackson
Author:Michael Schur
Create image

“When you making a piece of comedy entertainment, the audience is a big component there. You do have to end up getting rid of things that you love, but in the interest of making a movie that's not longer than two hours, and in the interest of when every joke hopefully is good enough, then everybody looks good. You cut things that you love, but ultimately it's for the greater good of making the whole movie better.”

LooksTwoEndsEnoughWholeBigsInterestHoursAudienceComedyGreaterPiecesCuttingJokesEntertainmentHopefullyGood EnoughComponentsGreater Good
Author:Jason H. Moore
Create image

“Basically I made her [ Sara Pocock] listen to funk music for a good month, a nonstop stream of George Clinton. I was talking about the art from...if you look at the art from George Clinton albums there are two or three artists he worked with...I made her listen to my album too so all the images are from jokes I made. I wanted it to look like the thoughts that are coming out of my brain which is what comedy is anyway.”

IfsLooksArtMadeTwoWantedArtistThreeBrainTalkingComedyMonthsJokesClintonAlbumsStreamsComing OutFunk
Author:Baron Vaughn
Create image

“I've found great virtue in two-thirds of the way into the message; right before I'm really want to nail home a point, pausing to tell a joke or to tell a light-hearted story, because I know my audience has been working with me now for 20 or 25 minutes. And if I can get them to laugh, get oxygen into their system, it wakes up those who might be sleeping, so there's something about using a story to draw people back in right before you drive home your final point. In that case I think it's real legitimate just to use a story for story's sake.”

PeopleIfsThinkingKnowsWayWantHas BeensI CanTwoRealStoriesUseHomeLightMightFoundSleepCasesAudienceLaughingVirtueMinutesMessagesDrawsJokesThirdsWake UpFinalsSakeNailsOxygenHeartedPausingLight Hearted
Author:Max Lucado
Create image

“There used to be a joke that women need a reason to have sex, while men only need a place. Does policy reflect that juvenile mindset? Such a requirement baffles some women in the real world: a female member of the US Commission on Civil Rights told me, 'I am still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of any two intimates in the world agreeing as to "why.'”

MenWorldNeedsTryingMindDoeStillsTwoIdeasRealReasonUsedSexRightsPolicyMembersJokesFemaleMindsetCivil RightsUsed To BeReal WorldRequirementsWrapsJuvenile
Author:Rush Limbaugh
Create image

“There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.”

KnowsFeelsWellsTwoSufferingBoysLonelinessTerribleMountainJokesYeahMiseryEmsUnhappinessPortionsResortsElderlyOld JokesAnnie HallMisery And Suffering
Author:Woody Allen
Create image

“They all think any minute I'm going to commit suicide. What a joke. The truth of course is the exact opposite: suicide is the only thing that keeps me alive. Whenever everything else fails, all I have to do is consider suicide and in two seconds I'm as cheerful as a nitwit. But if I could not kill myself -- ah then, I would. I can do without nembutal or murder mysteries but not without suicide.”

IfsThinkingI CanTwoCoursesCan DoAliveFailingMysteryMinutesJokesOppositesMurderSuicideCommitIf I CouldSecondsCheerfulMurder Mysteries
Book:The Moviegoer
Create image

“In the two months I had also dated Justin Fellowes, this guy in my Spanish class, though after three weeks we decided we should "see other people," which in my case was a joke, but it beat hearing him remark on everything I ate. 'I don't know why girls are always on a diet,' he'd say when I ordered a Diet Coke, and 'You should watch your starch intake' when I had a muffin.”

PeopleKnowsShouldTwoGuyGirlThreeClassWatchesCasesWeekMonthsBeatsJokesDecidedHearingDietsThis GuyRemarksCokeTwo MonthsJustinMuffinsDiet Coke
Book:Nature of Jade
Create image

“Thank you,” Simon said. “It’s a joke, Isabelle. He’s the Count. He likes counting. You know. ‘What did the Count eat today, children? One chocolate chip cookie, two chocolate chip cookies, three chocolate chip cookies . . .’” There was a rush of cold air as the door of the restaurant opened, letting in another customer. Isabelle shivered and reached for her black silk scarf. “It’s not realistic.” “What would you prefer? ‘What did the Count eat today, children? One helpless villager, two helpless villagers, three helpless villagers . . .”

KnowsChildrenSaidTwoTodayThreeBlackDoorsAirColdJokesCustomersLikesRestaurantsChocolateRealisticHelplessChipsCookiesCountingSilkSimon LewisFallen AngelsCity Of Fallen AngelsScarvesIsabelle LightwoodChocolate ChipsChocolate Chip CookiesCold Air
Author:Cassandra Clare
Create image

“Rick said, "Is there some place we can go and talk?" "You want to talk?," Keir raised an eyebrow. "I never thought I'd see the day." "Nah, I want to tell you this joke I heard." Keir nodded, patient. "Shoot." "Two Irish cops walk into a bar. The first cop says..." Rick's voice dropped. He said gruffly, "I love you. Come home." Keir managed to keep his voice steady. "What's the other cop say?" The sweetness of Rick's smile was like a kick in his chest. "That's what I'm here to find out, boyo.”

WantFirstsSaidTwoHomeVoiceWalksHeardLove YouJokesRaisedPatientBarsKicksComing HomeChestsSteadyCopSweetnessEyebrows
Author:Josh Lanyon
Create image

“My dowry is thirty-five. A year.” His brows climbed. “You’re joking.” “I would never joke about money with a notorious thief. Just imagine, in a mere two years you’re at a profit.” “How I adore a woman who does mathematics in her head.” “I can forge signatures as well.” “Splendid. Exactly the bride I’ve been hoping for.”

YearsWellsDoeI CanTwoFiveImagineJokesMathematicsMereProfitThirtyTwo YearsThievesAdoreSplendidBridesBrowsSignaturesNotoriousDowry
Author:Shana Abe
Create image