Best jokes & stuff Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“When I was younger, I used humour as a tool to avoid getting too serious with people - if there was deep emotional stuff going on, then I would crack a joke to defuse the situation.”

People Ifs Used Stuff Situation Emotional Humour Serious Jokes Tools Cracks Deep Emotional

Author:Matthew Perry

“Everybody in my family had a real sick, twisted sense of humor. Most of the jokes we make in our house, we would just never even dream of making anywhere else. Just sick, horrible stuff. That wasn't anything new to college.”

Real Dream House Stuff College Jokes My Family Sick Horrible Sense Of Humor Twisted

Author:Seth MacFarlane

“I'm very wary of doing political stuff for a lot of reasons. One of the big ones is that the shelf-life for them is not very long, and the joke becomes old news very quickly.”

Long Reason Bigs Political Stuff News Jokes Shelves Shelf Life Old News

Author:Tim Heidecker

“Once you've heard the joke, it's not funny anymore, but it's the way it's told. And I think that's the same with the music: The reason some of my songs have lasted longer is there's a lot of stuff packed in there. You want to hear them more than once.”

Thinking Way Want Reason Song Stuff Heard Jokes

Author:Tom Lehrer

“I don't think every joke has to be so dadgum cerebral. I mix it up really good, because that's the kind of humor I like. I like the goofy one-liner type stuff.”

Thinking Kind Stuff Type Jokes One Liner Goofy Cerebral

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“It's hard to describe to people how terrible it was when you could only watch cartoons at a certain time in your life. But no, I would watch all of them - the Warner Bros. cartoons and the Bugs Bunnys and then the Tex Avery stuff. Looking back on it, they were so incredibly subversive for their time. You'd think, "Oh, they're just making jokes and this or that." But when you watch them as an adult, you think, "Oh no, they were talking about some pretty deep stuff."”

People Thinking Hard Certain Stuff Talking Watches Terrible Jokes Adults Looking Back Cartoon Bugs Subversive Bros Warner Bros

Author:Jon Hamm

“I have a lot of glass in my house, and I remember saying as a joke once that I clean my stuff with Windex while my friends are over, but then I found myself actually doing that the other day. It's horrible.”

Remember Found House Stuff Jokes My Friends Clean Glasses Horrible

Author:Courteney Cox

“I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.”

Stuff Jokes Stuff I Like

Author:Amy Schumer

“Whatever the joke is has to be funny, and not coming from a mean-spirited place. I think some things are totally off limits. If someone's spouse died, or one of their children, I would never joke about that in a Roast situation. I don't have any aspirations towards writing any cancer jokes, and there's some stuff that I think is definitely taboo.”

Ifs Thinking Writing Mean Children Stuff Limits Jokes Died Cancer Aspiration Spouse Taboo Spirited Mean Spirited

Author:Amy Schumer

“I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about. Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like "How do I make this stuff funny?"”

Want Writing Trying Two Stuff Week Figures Materials Jokes

Author:Chris Rock

“I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not. So it's hard for me to come up with things, because I don't write stuff, I don't write my act down.”

Writing Hard Stuff Jokes Come Up Comic Odd

Author:Lewis Black

“The art world is the biggest joke going. It's a rest home for the overprivileged, the pretentious, and the weak. And modern art is a disgrace - never have so many people used so much stuff and taken so long to say so little.”

People World Littles Long Art Home Used Stuff Taken Modern Jokes Art Is Weak Disgrace Pretentious Art World Modern Art

Author:Banksy

“I'm really going off of watching John Waters speak one time and I remember he just kind of talked and it was totally interesting. I wanted to hear about his life and how he got started and when did he think he made it, stupid stuff like that. And what his relationship with the mainstream is because he's so far out there, but then he became part of the mainstream in this weird way. He was really funny, though. Yeah, I have to work on my jokes.”

Thinking Way Kind Made Wanted Remember Speak Stuff Water Interesting Stupid Jokes Yeah Made It One Time Mainstream

Author:Kathleen Hanna

“The funnest jokes for me to tell are the ones that are the newest. So I'm just constantly motivated to keep my eyes and ears open and have new stuff.”

Eye Stuff Jokes Ears Motivated New Stuff

Author:Brian Regan

“The majority of the filmmaking process is in pre-production. The more you've planned out the more freedom there is on set to find new stuff, to play around, find new jokes and let the actors kind of breathe - but it needs to come from a place where it's completely structured.”

Needs Kind Play Actors Stuff Process Jokes Majority Productions Breathe Filmmaking New Stuff

Author:Vin Diesel

“I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that stuff's under control. I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fish sticks in anything. That's actually kind of gross. After that joke, I have to clarify that I'm just joking.”

Kind Stills Humor Funny Stuff Jokes Sticks Fishes Gross Dip Toothpaste

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I LOVE WAL-MART. I CONSIDER MY JOKES TO BE VERY JEUVINILLE. STUFF A 14 YEAR OLD WOULD LAUGH AT BECAUSE THATS THE SENCE OF HUMOR I HAVE. ALL THE STUFF I TALK ABOUT MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR CHURCH GROUPS HOWEVER WAL-MART AINT SUNDAY SCHOOL. AS LONG AS I DIDNT USE OFFENSIVE FOUL LANGUAGE I KNEW ID BE FINE. WAL-MART GETS IT, THATS WHY THEY BLOW AWAY THE COMPETITION. BESIDES ITS THERE STORE THEY CAN DO WHAT THEY WANT. THATS AMERICA BABY!”

Want Years May Long Use School America Language Stuff Can Do Church Laughing Groups Baby Fine Jokes Competition Blow Stores Appropriate Sunday Offensive Foul Sunday School Foul Language

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“As for basic jokes about sex and even my religious stuff, I don't find any problems with that, even if I'm gigging in the Bible Belt, because religious people don't come and see me.”

People Ifs Problem Sex Stuff Religious Jokes Belts

Author:Jim Jefferies

“I don't really write jokes. I wait for stuff to happen in life, and then I tell it on stage.”

Writing Happens Stuff Waiting Stage Jokes

Author:Kathleen Madigan

“I don't like my wrestling or entertainment in general to be too clean or predictable for me as a fan. When I say clean, I'm not talking about dirty jokes, middle fingers and stuff like that. I'm actually not even a big fan of that. A lot of people talk about the attitude era being so great but a lot of it was terrible crap, sex jokes and over-the-top terrible bad comedy. It was Jerry Springer-like. They made a joke about a woman's breasts. Hilarious, but where's the wrestling? I look back on a lot of stuff now, and I'm like where's the wrestling? It's just a lot of crappy jokes.”

“Yeah, we've become really good friends. Our characters start dating in the book, and um, yeah, I think we - and we made up little back stories to our characters and little outtakes that we'd bring up to Edgar as a joke, and you know, kind of see different sides of stuff. So yeah, we have a really good time.”

Thinking Knows Kind Littles Made Book Different Character Stories Stuff Sides Jokes Dating Yeah Good Times Good Friend Different Sides Really Good Friends

Author:Johnny Simmons

“And there's so much extra material. I mean, I've certainly read as you asked about do I read reviews and stuff, like people are like none of the jokes in the trailers are like in the movie. And it's like and we have whole sequences and scenes that weren't in the movie.”

People Mean Whole Stuff Materials Scene Jokes Extras Reviews Sequence Trailers

Author:Nicholas Stoller

“The difference between a broadcaster and a host is that a host tells stories and dumb jokes, but a broadcaster can articulate deeper like, you know - things and stuff.”

Knows Stories Stuff Differences Like You Jokes Deeper Dumb Host Broadcasters

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.”

Ifs Writing Shows Hate Heaven Stuff Numbers Tvs Regret Jokes Feminist Fifty Shade Grey Choke No Regrets Hate Me Fifty Shades Shades Of Grey

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I still don't really know what my style is. I like a lot of different kinds of comedy, I like watching it and I like being inventive and original. That's the problem with doing a longer set - you can't do every joke that you have because some stuff contradicts other stuff. Even when you know that the audience knows that you're joking and it's not true, you still can't do a joke about your family dying and then later talk about your Mom. I mean you want to keep some kind of cohesive order going.”

Knows Want Kind Mean Stills Different Problem Order Stuff Audience Comedy Dying Style Mom Jokes Originals Our Family Different Kinds Your Mom True You

Author:Bonnie McFarlane

“I came from the Groundlings Theatre in L.A., and there, you're guaranteed to at least try something out in front of an audience. At 'SNL,' only the best stuff gets picked, and it's taught me a very defined language of comedy. You learn the structure of a joke, which is not something I was very good at beforehand.”

Trying Language Stuff Audience Comedy Fronts Taught Jokes Structure Very Good Theatre Defined Snl

Author:Taran Killam

“I really wouldn't censor myself. But because it was on such a slower scale, I would throw things out, and I indulged the personal stuff as little flashes of truth. Little in-jokes for anyone who was paying particular attention.”

Littles Stuff Attention Particular Jokes Scales Flash Personal Stuff

Author:John Hodgman

“For generations comedians have made jokes about Scots-Irish in the South inter-breeding. "I am my own grandpa" and all that stuff; you know, because they all were marrying their first cousins.”

Knows Firsts Made Stuff My Own Generations Jokes South Comedian Cousin Breeding Marrying Grandpa Scots

Author:Ishmael Reed

“The stuff about film being a collaborative medium is no joke.”

Film Stuff Jokes Mediums

Author:Alex Gibney

“We always joke now like, you know, the more experienced we get making stuff, we're like, "Never leave set without a shot of each of our lead characters driving in the car looking happy, looking moderately blank and looking sad." Because we know we're going to need these things.”

Knows Needs Character Stuff Car Like You Jokes Shots Driving Blank Lead Characters

Author:Mark Duplass

“The music director, Stephen Oremus, was telling me: "I hope you've done your work." We only have ten days rehearsal. The music is no joke. My solo singing is not that hard. But the stuff I have as part of the choir or as a "Dead Guest" in the second-half... I'm singing some really incredible chorus stuff that I haven't done in a long time. It's extremely difficult.”

Long Hard Done Stuff Difficult Half Havens Directors Ten Music Is Long Time Singing Jokes Incredibles Guests Solo Rehearsal Chorus Choir

Author:Max von Essen

“I had done an interview with 'Hello' magazine. In it, they asked me if I was going to marry Emily Blunt. Of course, what was I going to say? I said, 'Oh yeah I am going to marry her and I love her and all of this stuff.' It's true. I was making a joke. They said to me, 'Have you asked her?' I said, 'Have I? Maybe I am asking her through the magazine.'”

Ifs Said Done Courses Stuff Jokes Asking Yeah Magazines Interviews They Said Hello Blunt Emily

Author:Michael Buble

“When someone new comes on and has their first nude scene - and even if it's not full nudity - it's always a weird, awkward setup. We have these famous merkins which are sort of toupees for your delicate areas to make it look like you're naked but cover you up a little bit. But we joke around a little bit with the newbies who are trying that stuff on for the first time.”

Ifs Trying Firsts Looks Littles Stuff Bits Like You Scene Little Bit Jokes First Time Areas Naked Over You Delicate Awkward Nudity Setups

Author:Deborah Ann Woll

“Being good at fashion and beauty and girly stuff has been such a point of insecurity for me; I'm not good at coming up with jokes that make fun of other people for that, because I don't feel like I have a mastery of it myself.”

People Feels Has Beens Fun Stuff Fashion Jokes Be Good Insecurity Mastery Girly Fashion And Beauty

Author:Rachel Bloom

“I think my sense of humor is really dark and super twisted and stuff like that. It's like, "Is this a funny joke for real? Or am I just rich?" See? That was funny.”

Thinking Real Stuff Dark Rich Jokes Sense Of Humor Twisted Funny Jokes

Author:Kanye West

“I like trying jokes and seeing the response, and if I end up doing it in my act, it won't be 140 characters. Twitter is helpful that way to me. It's like a message in a bottle. But a lot of times I think I tweet the stuff I would like to say to teenage me.”

Ifs Thinking Way Trying Ends Character Stuff Seeing Messages Jokes Response Helpful Bottles Teenage Tweet Message In A Bottle 140 Character

Author:Sarah Silverman

“Friends are everything. They're people you can tell anything to, do fun stuff with, laugh at the same jokes with, who understand what you're going through 'cause they're going through it, too. Friends get it.”

People Fun Causes Stuff Friendship Laughing Jokes Fun Stuff

Author:Randi Reisfeld

“For me, I'm a fan of really dark, depressing stuff. Even something like The Wire, which can be hugely depressing and really serious, the bits I always remember are the jokes, you know?”

Knows Remember Stuff Bits Dark Fans Serious Jokes Depressing Wire Dark Depressing

Author:Declan Shalvey

“The stuff that I'm saying, they're not really traditional, structured jokes. It's not like I'm talking about growing up in Chicago or anything remotely close to that. It's basically me juggling words and concepts and phrases and being stupid.”

Stuff Talking Growing Up Growing Stupid Jokes Concepts Traditional Phrases Chicago Juggling Being Stupid

Author:Reggie Watts

“The funniest jokes you know aren't from comics but relatives, friends - from your life. That's the funniest stuff.”

Knows Stuff Jokes

Author:Dick Gregory

“The Muppets are no joke. They are for real. Each one has an agent and manager and all that stuff. I'm not even kidding.”

Real Stuff Jokes Agents Managers Muppet

Author:Terry Crews

“I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.”

Thinking Trying Real Stuff Views Comedy Jokes My Friends Universal Point Of View Broads

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.”

World Funny Stuff Bears Laughter Jokes Deserve Weight Eight Cents Ninety Funny Stuff Ninety Eight

Author:Arthur Smith

“My friends are people who like building cool stuff. We always have this joke about people who want to just start companies without making something valuable. There's a lot of that in Silicon Valley.”

People Want Stuff Company Building Jokes My Friends Valuable Valleys Silicon Silicon Valley Cool Stuff

Author:Mark Zuckerberg

“A good laugh is a mighty good thing, and rather too scarce a good thing; the more's the pity. So, if any one man, in his own proper person, afford stuff for a good joke to anybody, let him not be backward, but let him cheerfully allow himself to spend and be spent in that way. And the man that has anything bountifully laughable about him, be sure there is more in that man than you perhaps think for.”

Ifs Thinking Men Way Persons Stuff Laughing Jokes Good Things Pity One Man Scarce Laughable Good Laugh

Book:Annotated Moby Dick or, the Whale with English Grammar Exercises: by Herman Melville (Author), Robert Powell (Editor)

Source: Annotated Moby Dick or, the Whale with English Grammar Exercises: by Herman Melville (Author), Robert Powell (Editor)

“He'd assumed that you went to school because you had to learn things, starting off with the easy stuff and moving on to the bigger issues, and once you'd learned them that was it, the way ahead opened up and thereafter life was simple and straightforward. What a joke. The older he got, the more complicated and obscure everything became.”

Way School Moving Easy Stuff Simple Issues Jokes Bigger Starting Complicated Obscure Straightforward

Author:Mary Lawson

“Keep your shirt on," she said with a laugh at her bad joke. "Your clothes are at the laundry. They'll deliver them as soon as they're ready." "And in the meantime?" "Looks like you're naked." His jaw worked as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I beg your pardon?" "Beg all you want, you're still going to be naked." Tabitha paused at the wicked image in her mind. "Come to think of it, a gorgeous, begging, naked man… that's the stuff of fantasies. Begging won't get you your clothes, but it could get you something else." She wiggled her eyebrows at him.”

Ifs Thinking Men Want Mind Believe Looks Said Stills Stuff Fantasy Laughing Ready Like You Clothes Jokes Hearing Naked Shirts Wicked Gorgeous Eyebrows Pardon Begging Laundry Bad Jokes

Author:Sherrilyn Kenyon

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