“You have to make a joke every 10–15 minutes. It’s a way of keeping up morale.” WayMinutesJokesMorale Author:Silvio Berlusconi
“I'm going to keep talking about what I think is interesting for my entire career. If you want to hear about how women do a lot of shoe shopping or how being married sucks, go see the guy who does jokes about that. But if you come to see my live show, there's going to be 20 minutes on religion for the rest of my life, probably. If that makes me a caricature, so be it.” IfsThinkingWantDoeShowsGuyInterestingTalkingCareersMinutesMarriedJokesShoesShoppingBeing MarriedCaricaturesKeep Talking Author:David Cross
“You know that old joke about the guy who lives to be 104? The punch line goes something like 'If I knew I was gonna get this old, I'd have taken much better care of myself.' Well, guess what? We actually are living longer, and the time to start taking care of ourselves is right this minute.” IfsKnowsWellsCareGuyLinesTakenMinutesJokesOld Jokes Author:Oprah Winfrey
“Rush hour brings out the worst in some people. They make faces, gesture, yell, call names, bump you with their car, and lean on their horn over the slightest perception that they are right and you are wrong. If you take any of these signals seriously, you can be hurt every time you drive. If you cannot crack a joke within a few minutes of rear-ending someone on the freeway, don't go out there.” PeopleIfsFacesNamesHoursHurtMinutesWorstCarPerceptionJokesDrivingCracksGesturesSignalsHornsBumpsFreewaysRush Hour Author:Jennifer James
“If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy them laughing before I go on to the next joke. On TV, if I stand there for a minute while they laugh, I look like an idiot who can't remember the next joke.” IfsLooksRememberNextEnjoyLaughingMinutesStageTvsGoes OnJokesCrowdsIdiot Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good.” ThinkingTryingDifferentLandMinutesMonthsJokesVariation Author:Aziz Ansari
“Sometimes I can't think of a better way to end my day than coming home and just strumming my ukulele for a few minutes. I mean, I joke around and tell people that it's an entire yoga session in one strum, you know?” PeopleThinkingKnowsWayMeanI CanEndsSometimesHomeMinutesJokesYogaComing HomeSessionBetter WaysUkuleleStrumming Author:Jake Shimabukuro
“Everyone seems to assume that the unscrupulous parts of journalism will be the frivolous or jocular parts. This is against all ethical experience. Jokes are generally honest. Complete solemnity is almost always dishonest. The writer of the snippet merely refers to a frivolous and fugitive fact in a frivolous and fugitive way. The writer of the leading article has to write about a fact he has known for 20 minutes as though he has studied it for 20 years.” WayWritingYearsFactsSeemsKnownMinutesHonestJokesAssumingJournalismEthicalArticlesFrivolousFugitiveSolemnity Author:Gilbert K. Chesterton
“When people have no interest in a subject, it's very hard to get them to laugh about it. If I had to write ten jokes about potholders, I don't think I could do it. But I could write ten jokes about Catholicism in the next twenty minutes.” PeopleIfsThinkingWritingHardNextInterestLaughingMinutesSubjectsTenJokesTwentiesCatholicism Author:George Meyer
“All my cuts are always about three hours, at the start, mainly because any scene in the movie that's 90 seconds, I probably shot a five-minute version of. If you just extrapolate that through the whole movie, I have a very long version of every scene, usually because, if there's one funny joke, I'll shoot five because I don't know if the one I like is going to work. I'll get back-ups because my biggest fear is to be in previews, testing the movie, and a joke doesn't work, but I have no way to fix it because I have no other line.” IfsKnowsWayLongWholeThreeHoursLinesFiveCuttingMinutesSceneJokesShotsVersionsGet BackSecondsTestingGoing To WorkFive MinutesBiggest FearFunny JokesPreview Author:Judd Apatow
“The only time I've ever been mistaken for someone else is - and this arguable still - when a person came up to me on the boardwalk of Ocean City, New Jersey and said, "You look a lot like that guy from computer ads" and I said, "There is a reason because I am that guy," and the guy looked at me for a minute, laughed and said, "That's a funny joke, but you really do look like him." He thought I was not me.” LooksPersonsSaidStillsReasonGuyCitiesMinutesOceanComputerJokesLaughedAdsMistakenOnly TimeJerseyThat GuyNew JerseyFunny JokesBoardwalks Author:John Hodgman
“For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.” HumorFunnyAudienceComedyMinutesListeningConversationJokesTwentiesFollowingCakeStand Up Comedy Author:Jim Gaffigan
“People can write jokes five minutes after a major world event happens, and have hundreds of thousands of people read them within 10 minutes. Whereas before you write a joke, you don't know if anybody is really touching on it or not, and you tell it onstage the next night. For joke writing it has changed things.” PeopleIfsKnowsWorldWritingHappensNightNextFiveMinutesEventsChangedMajorsJokesTouchingFive MinutesWorld Events Author:Nick Thune
“That's what happens with most comedies. If you watch 10 minutes and there's no joke, then you're disappointed because you're expecting jokes. The same goes for emotional movies. You have to feel something. If you don't feel anything for 10 minutes, you get bored.” IfsFeelsHappensWatchesComedyMinutesEmotionalJokesBoredDisappointedExpecting Author:Quentin Dupieux
“Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.” IfsFirstsSometimesHardMinutesCoupleJokes Author:Dave Attell
“Like everyone is either, "I grew up with it," or "I loved it," or loved them now. And when you watch The Muppet Movie now, it is so current. It's like The Simpsons before The Simpsons. It's not as cynical as The Simpsons would be but it's self-aware and there are a billion jokes, it breaks the fourth wall every five minutes, it's astounding, it's awesome. It's very exciting to be a part of that.” SelfWould BeWatchesBreakFiveMinutesWallGrewGrew UpJokesExcitingCurrentsBillionsCynicalFourthFive MinutesMuppet Author:Nicholas Stoller
“I understand what a normal political speech is. You get up there, tell a few jokes, you have the flags behind you, and you speak for 10 or 15 minutes in broad generalities.” PoliticalSpeakBehindsMinutesSpeechNormalJokesGet UpBroadsFlagsBehind YouGeneralitiesPolitical Speeches Author:Bernie Sanders
“I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they're outdated. By the time you've got it to the point that it's strong, it would be 12 years old.” IfsFeelsYearsWould BePoliticalNextStrongFiveMinutesJokesFive MinutesOutdatedPolitical Jokes Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“I like that we don't have to come out the first 10 minutes and score, you know, with joke, joke, joke. We can open it in a more novel way and keep playing different pranks as we go through the thing.” KnowsWayFirstsDifferentNovelMinutesJokesScorePranks Author:Bruce Vilanch
“This is not really currency that circulates. It's like the old joke about expensive vintage wine. Wine prices will go up and once in a while somebody will buy a 50-year-old bottle of wine and say, "Wait a minute. This has gone bad." The answer is, "Well, that wine isn't for drinking; that's for trading." These $100 bills aren't meant to circulate. They're not to spend on goods and services. They're a store of value. They're a form of saving.” YearsWellsFormValuesWaitingAnswersGoneMinutesJokesBillsWineDrinkingStoresSavingExpensiveGoodsBottlesCurrencyTradingVintageGoods And ServicesBottles Of WineOld Jokes Author:Michael Hudson
“You see a lot of sketch variety shows where each segment is one joke that they repeat over and over and over again, and the sketches are always three or four minutes too long.” LongShowsThreeFourMinutesJokesVarietyRepeats Author:Eric Andre
“Like I said, a sketch is one joke. They shouldn't really be more than a minute, two minutes. There are some shows where the sketch goes on for five minutes. It's like, "I get it! I'm already bored. I did like the joke, but I don't anymore, because you went on too long."” LongSaidTwoShowsFiveMinutesGoes OnJokesBoredFive Minutes Author:Eric Andre