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Toilet Paper Quotes

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Toilet Paper Quotes

“Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.”

RunningSidesDarkNicePaperMovedCleanToiletsDark SideToilet Paper
Book:Jeneration X: One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never Too Late for Her Dumb Ass to Learn Why Froot Loops Are Not for Dinner
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“Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce you for refusing to spend forty hours a week making up lies about toilet paper.”

JobsLyingHoursWifeWeekPaperHumorousDivorceAdvertisingInstanceAgencyFortyAdsSpouseToiletsMatrimonyMaking UpCapriciousToilet Paper
Book:The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig
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“I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It's been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I've never been invited! If I ever saw the invitation, I'd use it as toilet paper.”

IfsDoneUseShowsCarePartyFireSawsPaperFairsSuicideCommitVanityI've LearnedInvitesWho CaresInvitedToiletsInvitationsToilet PaperVanity Fair
Author:Joan Rivers
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“I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.”

PeopleThinkingWantEnoughLawUsedCoursesGivenRightsStupidPaperSittingOccasionsLimitationSquaresToiletsProposeAbidingIndustriousToilet PaperDumb LiberalStupid LiberalRestroom
Author:Sheryl Crow
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“I can say with a solid degree of authority that I am a selfish person. I spontaneously forget the names of more people than not, unless I want to make out with them. I will take the last square of toilet paper off the roll without thinking twice. I tip taxi drivers so poorly I'm amazed none of them have run over my foot while speeding off.”

PeopleThinkingWantPersonsI CanRunningLastsNamesForgetFeetDegreesAuthorityPaperSelfishDriversSquaresAmazedToiletsTaxiMake OutSpeedingToilet PaperSelfish Person
Book:I Was Told There'd Be Cake
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“Before you rip off three feet of toilet paper, consider that each year 500,000 acres of virgin boreal forest in northern Alberta and Ontario are being clear-cut to make the stuff. These forests are home to some 500 First Nation communities, as well as caribou and bears, moose and wolves, and, in the summertime, billions of songbirds.”

YearsFirstsWellsHomeThreeNationsStuffCommunityClearCuttingFeetBearsPaperGreenBillionsForestsVirginsToiletsRipAcresSummertimeToilet PaperOntarioMooseAlbertaSongbirds
Author:Alex Shoumatoff
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“How can you put out a meaningful drama when every fifteen minutes proceedings are interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits with toilet paper? No dramatic art form should be dictated and controlled by men whose training and instincts are cut of an entirely different cloth. The fact remains that these gentlemen sell consumer goods, not an art form.”

MenShouldArtDifferentFactsFormCuttingMinutesDramaPaperTrainingRemainsSellsDancingInstinctMeaningfulConsumersDramaticGentlemanGoodsControlledTwelveFifteenToiletsRabbitsInterruptedProceedingToilet Paper
Author:Rod Serling
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“It's expensive to keep communism alive today. I've already got a huge foreign debt staring me in the face, and I can't reduce it by exporting tomatoes or toilet paper. We should be making dollars any way we can. And we should be exporting arms any way and every way, openly and secretly, legally or by smuggling, I don't care how.”

WayShouldI CanWarCareTodayFacesAliveHugeArmsColdPaperDollarsDon't CareDebtCommunismI Don't CareStaringExpensiveCold WarToiletsLive For TodayTomatoesToilet PaperSmugglingExporting
Author:Nicolae Ceausescu
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“It's a topsy-turvy world in which a country can import the same amount of ice-cream, toilet paper and other goods to trading partners as it exports, and where top bankers are paid millions for destroying economic value, while hospital cleaners create value many times their pay”

WorldCountryValuesPayMillionsEconomicAmountPaperPaidPartnersIceGoodsHospitalsDestroyingCreamTradingIce CreamToiletsBankersCleanersImportsToilet PaperTrading PartnersEconomic ValueTopsy Turvy
Author:Andrew Simms
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“The way we live our daily lives is what most effects the situation of the world. If we can change our daily lives, then we can change our governments and can change the world. Our president and governments are us. They reflect our lifestyle and our way of thinking. The way we hold a cup of tea, pick up the newspaper or even use toilet paper are directly related to peace.”

IfsThinkingWorldWayUseGovernmentLife IsPeacePresidentSituationEffectsPaperPicksLifestyleNewspapersCupsTeaRelatedChanging The WorldDaily LifeToiletsWay Of ThinkingCups Of TeaToilet Paper
Author:Nhat Hanh
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