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Witty Christmas Quotes

Browse 27 quotes about Witty Christmas.

Witty Christmas Quotes

“Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.”

“Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?”

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.”

“That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”

“At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year.”

“Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.”

“Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?”

“The earth has grown old with its burden of care, but at Christmas it always is young, the heart of the jewel burns lustrous and fair, and its soul full of music breaks the air, when the song of angels is sung.”

“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka" and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!"”

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”

“Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.”

“The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others' burdens, easing other's loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas.”

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”

“But I am sure that I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round...as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely.”

“The earth has grown old with its burden of care, But at Christmas it always is young.”

“When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?”

“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.”

“I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.”

“What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”

“Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas.”

“I have always thought of Christmas time... as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time.”