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David D. Burns

David D. Burns Books

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Feeling Good

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“By empathy, I do not mean the capacity to feel the same way someone else feels. This is sympathy. Sympathy is highly touted, but in my opinion, somewhat overrated. By empathy, I do not mean acting in a tender, understanding manner. This is support. Support is also highly valued and overrated. So what is empathy? Empathy is the ability to comprehend with accuracy the precise thoughts and motivations of other people in such a way that they would say "yes, that is exactly where I'm coming from.”

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Book:Feeling Good
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“I asked a Catholic friend who kindly offered to ask several Catholic theologians if it was okay to fantasize about Jesus having sex with the Virgin Mary in all the positions of the Kama Sutra. They agreed to debate the topic and came up with this unanimous conclusion: Cognitive flooding would be okay if the goal was healing and not entertainment.”

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Book:Feeling Great: The Revolutionary New Treatment for Depression and Anxiety
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“Negative thinking patterns can be immensely deceptive and persuasive, and change is rarely easy. But with patience and persistence, I believe that nearly all individuals suffering from depression can improve and experience a sense of joy and self-esteem once again.”

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Book:Ten Days to Self-Esteem: The Leader's Manual
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“Depression has been called the worlds number one public health problem. In fact, depression is so widespread it is considered the common cold of psychiatric disturbances. But there is a grim difference between depression and a cold. Depression can kill you.”

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Book:Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
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“Cognitive therapy is based on the idea that when you change the way you think, you can change the way you feel and behave. In other words, if we can learn to think about other people in a more positive and realistic way, it will be far easier to resolve conflicts and develop rewarding personal and professional relationships.”

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Author:David D. Burns
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“Despite their differences, pride, shame, and guilt all activate similar neural circuits, including the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, amygdala, insula, and the nucleus accumbens. Interestingly, pride is the most powerful of these emotions at triggering activity in these regions - except in the nucleus accumbens, where guilt and shame win out. This explains why it can be so appealing to heap guilt and shame on ourselves - they're activating the brain's reward center.”

WinningDifferencesPowerfulEmotionBrainPrideActivityShameGuiltRewardsIncludingDespiteRegionsMost PowerfulCircuitsActivateNucleusShame And Guilt
Author:David D. Burns
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“People who expect to feel guilty tend to be more sympathetic, to put themselves into other people's shoes, to think about the consequences of their behaviour before acting, and to treasure their morals. As a result they are less prone to lie, cheat or behave immorally when they conduct a business deal or spot an opportunity to make money, studies suggest. They are also likely to make better employees because people who think less about the future results of their actions are more likely to be late, to steal or to be rude to clients.”

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Author:David D. Burns
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“Surprisingly, it's forgiveness, not guilt, that increases accountability. Researchers have found that taking a self-compassionate point of view on a personal failure makes people more likely to take personal responsibility for the failure than when they take a self-critical point of view. They also are more willing to receive feedback and advice from others, and more likely to learn from the experience.”

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Author:David D. Burns
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“If a hungry lion suddenly appeared, you'd be terrified. So terrified you'd probably run away. Great, fear's doing its job. But you might get so afraid that you lock up and can't move. This would be very bad. Guilt's the same. It can prevent you from fixing the situation, make you feel so bad you can't function at 100% and even lead to more guilt-provoking bad behavior.”

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Author:David D. Burns
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“More often than not, the belief that you are bad contributes to the "bad" behavior. Change and learning occur most readily when you (a) recognize that an error has occurred and (b) develop a strategy for correcting the problem. An attitude of self-love and relaxation facilitates this, whereas guilt often interferes.”

SelfProblemBeliefAttitudeSelf LoveBehaviorStrategyGuiltErrorsInterfereRelaxationCorrectingFacilitateBad BehaviorBehavior Change
Book:Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
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“Can you predict the future with absolute certainty? Your answer must be no. You have two options: You can either decide to accept yourself as an imperfect human being with limited knowledge and realize that you will at times make mistakes, or you can hate yourself for it.”

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Author:David D. Burns
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“It's irrational to assume you can ever truly evaluate yourself as a good or bad human being. You will never have enough information.That "bad person" at work who torments you might be an excellent father to his kids. That other "bad person" at work who screwed up royally today? That error might later lead to a huge breakthrough. We will never have enough info to holistically evaluate a person and score them in totality as "bad" or "good."”

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Author:David D. Burns
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“What is the point of abusing yourself with guilt in the first place? If you did make a mistake and act in a hurtful way, your guilt won't reverse your blunder in some magical manner. It won't speed your learning processes so as to reduce the chance you'll make the same mistake in the future. Other people won't love and respect you more because you are feeling guilty and putting yourself down in this manner. Nor will your guilt lead to productive living. So what's the point?”

PeopleIfsWayFirstsFeelingsProcessChanceMistakeGuiltSpeedGuiltyProductiveReverseLearning ProcessBlundersHurtfulLove And RespectSame MistakesFeeling Guilty
Author:David D. Burns
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“The biggest mistake you can make in trying to talk convincingly is to put your highest priority on expressing your ideas and feelings. What most people really want is to be listened to, respected, and understood. The moment people see that they are being understood, they become more motivated to understand your point of view.”

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Author:David D. Burns
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