“I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.” ThinkingGivingHelpingAssHelplessRatsClueless Author:Dennis Miller
“The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic.” WorldWishAssBackwardsWish YouDyslexic Author:Dennis Miller
“The soldiers kill suicide bombers. Think about that. When a guys whole thing in life is to kill himself and you get there first... you are halling ass my friends.” ThinkingFirstsWholeLife IsGuyMy FriendsSuicideSoldierAssThings In LifeBombersSuicide Bombers Author:Dennis Miller
“Is it just me, or are the 49ers doing an awful lot of ass-patting today?” TodayFootballAssAwful Author:Dennis Miller
“Look, we're Americans: optimistic, addicted to the quick fix, constantly on the hunt for the new and exotic. It's much easier for us to accept a guy with a big white beard hawking his own custom blend of saw palmetto and squirrel dandruff that it is to hear a real doctor telling us to lay off the big macs, and get off our fat asses and take a walk every decade or so.” LooksRealBigsGuyWhiteWalksAcceptingSawsEasierDoctorsLaysDecadesFatsAssOptimisticInsultCustomsHuntsBeardExoticMacsSquirrelsQuick FixesBig Mac Author:Dennis Miller
“I'll say this about the war protesters: At least most of them are only putting duct tape across their mouths so I can still tell the rest of them to blow it out their ass.” StillsI CanWarMouthsBlowAssTapeDuct Tape Author:Dennis Miller
“Only man is a narcissistic enough species to think that a highly evolved alien life force would travel across billions and billions of light-years- a group of aliens so intelligent, so insouciant, so utterly above it all, they feel no need whatsoever to equip their spacecraft with windows so that they can gaze out on all that celestial beauty-but then immediately upon landing, their first impulse is to get in some hick's ass with a flashlight.” ThinkingMenNeedsFeelsYearsFirstsEnoughLightForceGroupsWindowIntelligentSpeciesBillionsAssAliensImpulseNarcissismNarcissisticCelestialLandingFlashlightsSpacecraftLight YearsHicksAlien Life Author:Dennis Miller
“The Nazi signs have got to stop. If you're in a peace march and the guy next to you has a sign saying that 'Bush is Hitler,' forget the peace thing for a second and beat his ass, because he is not Hitler.” IfsGuyNextPoliticsForgetBeatsAssMarchNaziSign Sayings Author:Dennis Miller
“America was founded by puritans and like it or not the anti-pleasure dogma of those buckled-shoed killjoys still pervades our collective unconscious like an I-max shot of Dennis Franz's naked hairy cop ass. Hence, anything enjoyable is automatically forbidden and bad and in our panic to avoid it at all cost we become obsessed with it... like dressing up in a pink teddy and a pair of ugboots and repeatedly screaming the word 'VERBOTEN!' into a conk shell balanced on the back on a miniature pony... Oh, I see.. That would just be me.” StillsAmericaPoliticalPleasureCostShotsNakedAssObsessedUnconsciousCollectivesPairsPanicBalancedCopDogmaShellsForbiddenDressingsEnjoyableMaxPuritanTeddyDressing UpMiniaturesPoniesCollective UnconsciousKilljoy Author:Dennis Miller
