“I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.” FirstsSeemsGuyCuttingCoupleMy FriendsTradeSorryI'm SorryAbu Ghraib Author:Dennis Miller
“Campaign analysts say that Dean has produced the most innovative web site in this year's presidential race. I particularly like today's blog, which consisted of the sentence 'I hate myself,' typed four billion times. In Dean's case, this may be the first instance where the actually entity represented by the web site has crashed more often than the site did.” YearsFirstsMayTodayHateRaceCasesFourI HateSentencesBillionsCampaignsInstancePresidentialEntitySiteInnovativeBlogsDeanAnalystsHate MyselfI Hate Myself Author:Dennis Miller
“And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club.” GivingFirstsWarReasonHumorFunnyRememberFightingNextLeftClubsAdsNext TimeJust Do It Author:Dennis Miller
“I don't need to be born again. I got it right the first time.” NeedsFirstsBornFirst TimeBorn Again Author:Dennis Miller
“The soldiers kill suicide bombers. Think about that. When a guys whole thing in life is to kill himself and you get there first... you are halling ass my friends.” ThinkingFirstsWholeLife IsGuyMy FriendsSuicideSoldierAssThings In LifeBombersSuicide Bombers Author:Dennis Miller
“I don't know what I think of George W. Bush when he first got in, but I've grown fond of the man, and maybe it's the times we live in. They say he's not an environmentalist. But every time I see his ranch on TV, it looks pretty nice. You know something, if we all took care of our own, we'd have a great environment.” IfsThinkingKnowsMenFirstsLooksCareEnvironmentNiceHe ManTvsEnvironmentalist Author:Dennis Miller
“Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.” FirstsHumorFunnyReligionBornComedyAtheismFirst TimeAtheistExcuseBorn AgainGetting HighExcuse Me Author:Dennis Miller
“President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.” PeopleTryingFirstsHumorFunnyPresidentFiguresRadioReactionsPresidentialAddressesPresident BushFigure Skating Author:Dennis Miller
“Lotto fever hit New York again this week, and like the old saying goes, 'You gotta be in it to win it'... but first, you gotta have a dead end job so pathetic you're willing to kill five hours standing in line for a 1 in 25 million chance.” FirstsEndsJobsWinningHoursLinesChanceMillionsFiveWeekNew YorkWillingStandingFunny InspirationalPatheticFeverDead EndsOld SayingStanding In Line Author:Dennis Miller
“After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.” NeedsYearsFirstsTogetherMarriageMysteryCoupleInvolvedBathroomYears Of Marriage Author:Dennis Miller
“Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after watching 'Love Story' at the drive-in.” FirstsStoriesFootballLove StoryFirst DateOuch Author:Dennis Miller
“Only man is a narcissistic enough species to think that a highly evolved alien life force would travel across billions and billions of light-years- a group of aliens so intelligent, so insouciant, so utterly above it all, they feel no need whatsoever to equip their spacecraft with windows so that they can gaze out on all that celestial beauty-but then immediately upon landing, their first impulse is to get in some hick's ass with a flashlight.” ThinkingMenNeedsFeelsYearsFirstsEnoughLightForceGroupsWindowIntelligentSpeciesBillionsAssAliensImpulseNarcissismNarcissisticCelestialLandingFlashlightsSpacecraftLight YearsHicksAlien Life Author:Dennis Miller
