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Dennis Miller Quotes

Comedian

Dennis Miller, born on November 3, 1953, is a renowned American comedian. His career began in the late 1970s, and he quickly gained prominence in the comedy world with his unique humor style and sharp wit.

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Famous Dennis Miller Quotes

“The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.”

Way Country Comedy Becoming Penalties Death Penalty

Book:I Rant, Therefore I Am

Source: I Rant, Therefore I Am

“The way I've always governed my life as far as fiscal policy goes is I'm smart enough to know that I'm dumb about it, so I surround myself with smart people in much the same way a hole surrounds itself with a doughnut. I just pay things off. That's all I do.”

People Knows Way Enough Pay Policy Smart Holes Dumb Surround Smart People Doughnut Fiscal Policy

Author:Dennis Miller

“On Thursday, a passenger forced his way into the cockpit of a United Airlines flight from Miami, but was subdued after the co-pilot hit him with a small ax. Good to see our airlines are being kept secure by the latest in 12th century technology.”

Way United Technology Century Flight Secure Pilots Airline Passengers Miami Thursday Cockpit

Author:Dennis Miller

“The next time you get the urge to shut somebody up because they don't see the world exactly the same way you do, take a deep breath, get out your Bill of Rights, and count to the ten amendments.”

World Way Next Rights Ten Breaths Bills Urges Amendments Next Time Deep Breath Bill Of Rights Take A Deep Breath

Book:Rants

Source: Rants

“Now I don't have anything against Mexican people, but for God's sakes, sign the gust book on the way in.”

People Way Book Sake Mexican

Author:Dennis Miller

“If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of thinning itself out.”

Ifs Way Want Dies Fronts Herds

Author:Dennis Miller

“Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.”

Knows Way Want Humor Funny Letting Go Guilt Rant

Author:Dennis Miller

“What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign.”

People Way War Moments Care Turns Fighting Business Taken Comedy Campaigns Shock Touching Turn-on Dimes

Author:Dennis Miller

“The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.”

Ifs Way Humor Funny Found Humorous Iraq Truffles

Author:Dennis Miller

“My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.”

Knows Way Inspirational Seems Funny Guy Missing Fronts Travel Silly Flying Endless Seats Nightmare Funny Travel Airports Thrust Turbulence Acceleration Buckles Fear Of Flying Near Misses

Author:Dennis Miller

“And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow.”

Ifs Men Way Would Be Choices Belief Easier Abortion Pregnant Poisoning Moscow Food Poisoning

Book:Ranting Again

Source: Ranting Again

“I cannot tell you how proud watching that [Iraqi] war coverage makes me. I know a lot of people are saying that they think that it's, that you know what we're doing is imperialistic. I watch the way we handle ourselves over there and I've never felt more patriotic in my life.”

People Thinking Knows Way War Politics Felt Watches Proud Handle Patriotic Coverage

Author:Dennis Miller

“The Mexican people I know seem to respect the country in a way that many spoiled brats who were born here don't. So come on over folks, the more the merrier. But please, sign the guest book on the way in.”

People Knows Way Book Country Seems Politics Born Please Folks Guests Mexican Spoiled Brat Spoiled Brat More The Merrier

Author:Dennis Miller

“I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.”

Thinking Way Persons Long Fronts Rounds Following Long Way Paranoia Paranoid

Author:Dennis Miller

About the Author

Born: November 3, 1953
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 244

Books & Sources

Ranting AgainRelated source material

RantsRelated source material

I Rant, Therefore I AmRelated source material

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