“Forbes magazine has named Mel Gibson this year's most powerful celebrity. ... Forbes' least powerful celebrity? [Miller displayed the widely circulated image from the Lynndie England photographs of a hooded Iraqi prisoner with wires attached to his outstretched arms] You're looking at him. Screw this guy. ... [He's a] bad guy.” YearsGuyPowerfulArmsEnglandPhotographMagazinesMost PowerfulPrisonerScrewsThis GuyBad GuysWireForbes Author:Dennis Miller
“Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.” ThinkingWantTryingGuyDangerousWant U Book:Rants Source: Rants
“A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality? Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.” ThinkingMenWantTryingRealityGuyResultsToo MuchDangerousDrinkThirdsMythSmokeCigaretteWant UMotorcycleWomen WantHelmet Author:Dennis Miller
“I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.” FirstsSeemsGuyCuttingCoupleMy FriendsTradeSorryI'm SorryAbu Ghraib Author:Dennis Miller
“Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.” HumorFunnyGuyComputerCatBillsGatesBad GuysPersianBond MovieJames Bond MovieMonocles Author:Dennis Miller
“I'm left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut case from overseas wants to blow up their wedding, that's when I'm right.” IfsWantTwoCareGuyLeftCasesGayMarriedBlowNutsCould Care LessGay Guy Author:Dennis Miller
“The good thing about Pittsburgh, it's a good place to be raised... it doesn't tolerate assholes. You're either a good guy or you're a bad guy... When I'm in Los Angeles having these incredibly surreal moments where nobody's saying anything and everybody's talking incessantly, I always have that Pittsburgh voice in my head - shut up, smile, get the job, move on.” MomentsJobsMovingGuyVoiceTalkingGood ThingsRaisedLos AngelesTolerateShut UpBad GuysSurrealGood GuyGood PlaceIncessantlyPittsburghVoices In My HeadSurreal Moments Author:Dennis Miller
“The soldiers kill suicide bombers. Think about that. When a guys whole thing in life is to kill himself and you get there first... you are halling ass my friends.” ThinkingFirstsWholeLife IsGuyMy FriendsSuicideSoldierAssThings In LifeBombersSuicide Bombers Author:Dennis Miller
“I come from that earlier time in America when palm pilot was a nickname you recieved upon entering puberty! I was more than a palm pilot I was the palm Chuck Jager. Tom Wolfe wrote a book about me called The Right Hand Stuff. I was the only guy in my class hip enough to move to the European grip.” BookEnoughHandsAmericaMovingGuyStuffClassHipsPilotsTomsEnteringPalmsChuckPubertyNicknames Author:Dennis Miller
“When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.” LooksMadeCharacterKidsGuyCollegeRevengeHungPacksRatsNerdCampusBoogersRemingtonRat Pack Book:I Rant, Therefore I Am Source: I Rant, Therefore I Am
“My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.” KnowsWayInspirationalSeemsFunnyGuyMissingFrontsTravelSillyFlyingEndlessSeatsNightmareFunny TravelAirportsThrustTurbulenceAccelerationBucklesFear Of FlyingNear Misses Author:Dennis Miller
“Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians.” NeedsGuyCoursesFootballSnowSalaryAlaska Author:Dennis Miller
“When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb.” MeanGuyHellFootballMoonRetiringThis GuyTombsCuneiform Author:Dennis Miller
“Look, we're Americans: optimistic, addicted to the quick fix, constantly on the hunt for the new and exotic. It's much easier for us to accept a guy with a big white beard hawking his own custom blend of saw palmetto and squirrel dandruff that it is to hear a real doctor telling us to lay off the big macs, and get off our fat asses and take a walk every decade or so.” LooksRealBigsGuyWhiteWalksAcceptingSawsEasierDoctorsLaysDecadesFatsAssOptimisticInsultCustomsHuntsBeardExoticMacsSquirrelsQuick FixesBig Mac Author:Dennis Miller
“It's a cocktail-party circuit in D.C., That guy who couldn't master the guitar and get in a band and get laid, he ends up there. Gary Condit make sense to me. He's away from his family, he's in D.C. - if he was a car dealer in the [San Fernando] Valley somewhere out there, he'd be the guy who was trying to get laid by offering you the free undercoating package.” IfsTryingEndsGuyPoliticsPartyCarMastersBandGuitarMake SenseValleysOfferingPackagesThat GuyDealerCocktailsCircuitsGaryGetting LaidCocktail PartiesSomewhere Out ThereCar Dealer Author:Dennis Miller
“The Nazi signs have got to stop. If you're in a peace march and the guy next to you has a sign saying that 'Bush is Hitler,' forget the peace thing for a second and beat his ass, because he is not Hitler.” IfsGuyNextPoliticsForgetBeatsAssMarchNaziSign Sayings Author:Dennis Miller
“The second type you have at these parades seems to be the people who want to mislabel Hitler. Everybody in the world is Hitler. Bush is Hitler, Ashcroft is Hitler, Rumsfeld is Hitler. The only guy who isn't Hitler is the foreign guy with a mustache dropping people who disagree with him into the wood chipper. He's not Hitler.” PeopleWorldWantSeemsGuyPoliticsTypeWoodsDisagreeDroppingParadesMustache Author:Dennis Miller
