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Rita Rudner

Rita Rudner Quotes

Comedian

Rita Rudner, born on September 17, 1953, is a renowned American comedian. Her career began in the 1980s, and she gained widespread recognition for her unique sense of humor and witty dialogue. Rudner is known for her performances in television, radio, and on stage, with her work often exploring themes such as women, marriage, and family.

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Famous Rita Rudner Quotes

“I have a hold limit that I've set for myself. I hold until I start to imagine myself killing the person on the other end. Then I hang up and regroup.”

Persons Ends Imagine Limits Killing Telephones Hang Ups

Book:Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature

Source: Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature

“At the end of every year, I add up the time that I have spent on the phone on hold and subtract it from my age. I don't count that time as really living. I spend more and more time on hold each year. By the time I die, I'm going to be quite young.”

Years Ends Age Young Dies Add Phones More Time Telephones Really Living

Book:Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature

Source: Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature

“... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works; technology evolves and slowly there are a few things you can't work; at the end, you don't know how anything works.”

Knows Ends Life Is Born Technology Know How Stage Broken Evolve Broken Down

Book:I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething

Source: I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething

“If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.”

Ifs Men Firsts Ends Humor Funny Film Doors Week Husband Cameras Video My Husband Scream Locks Bathroom Your Husband Video Cameras

Author:Rita Rudner

“I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen”

Way Wells Ends Happens Fiction Cooking Science Fiction Kitchen Recipes Hilarious

Author:Rita Rudner

“When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.”

Knows Want Children Ends Sometimes Relationship Love You Dating Mark Our Children Your Children Funny Relationship You Know I Love You

Author:Rita Rudner

“Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"”

Looks Children Long Said Ends Play Humor Funny Games Travel Planes

Author:Rita Rudner

About the Author

Born: September 17, 1953
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 192

Related Topics

Funny Men Humor Ifs Want Knows Husband Thinking Comedy People Looks My Husband Said Witty Feels Mother Children Ends Firsts Jobs

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Books & Sources

Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing NatureRelated source material

I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a FiftysomethingRelated source material

Tickled Pink: A Comic NovelRelated source material

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