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Rita Rudner

Rita Rudner Quotes

Comedian

Rita Rudner, born on September 17, 1953, is a renowned American comedian. Her career began in the 1980s, and she gained widespread recognition for her unique sense of humor and witty dialogue. Rudner is known for her performances in television, radio, and on stage, with her work often exploring themes such as women, marriage, and family.

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Famous Rita Rudner Quotes

“Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind.”

People Want Hair Blind Really Happy Straight Hair

Book:Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature

Source: Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature

“All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. They don't understand them, and they don't want to get near them. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.”

Men Want Sleep Gun Pillow Eyelashes

Author:Rita Rudner

“Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married to.”

Men Want Should Married Gains Weight Sight

Author:Rita Rudner

“If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.”

Ifs Men Want Play Humor Funny Attention Involved Seasons Get Involved Off Season

Author:Rita Rudner

“I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.”

Want Children Care Young Mother Father Take Care Sufficient Young Children Mother And Father

Author:Rita Rudner

“I like whomever to come to my shows. I want people who want to see me to come see me. I don't want to force people. I don't want it to feel like a job!”

People Want Feels Shows Jobs Force

Author:Rita Rudner

“I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

Want Love Life Persons Wisdom Funny Marriage Special Married Witty Engaged Engagement Annoying Wedding I Love You Rest Of Your Life Being Married Marriage Advice Funny Marriage Anniversary Funny Love Happy Marriage Love And Marriage Positive Marriage Good Marriage Marriage Love Great Marriage Funny Valentines Day Marriage Humor Wedding Marriage Finding Someone Best Marriage Wedding Toast Wedding Speech Weddings And Marriage Newlyweds Funny Wedding Bridal Great Wedding Marriage Jokes Wedding Reception Healthy Marriage Witty Marriage Funny Marriage Advice Marriage Speech Funny Wedding Advice Inspirational Wedding Feeling Great Marriage Anniversary Humorous Valentine Beautiful Marriage Wedding Sentiments Happy Marriage Advice Funny Wedding Toast Sweet Anniversary Wedding Phrases Funny Wedding Anniversary Funny Wedding Speech Marriage Advice For Newlyweds Marriage Engagement Engagement Day Short Wedding Anniversary Love

Author:Rita Rudner

“Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?”

Men Want Firsts Children Lasts Guy Asks Marriage My Children Weekend Funny Marriage Last Song

Author:Rita Rudner

“My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.”

“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.”

People Want Humor Funny Humanity Loses Wealth Inspiring Money Rich Stupid Dignity Investment Saving Someday Savings Get Money Funny Money Rich Money

Author:Rita Rudner

“Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.”

Men Want Humor Funny Night Fall Comedy Middle Get Up Seats Consistently Bathroom Toilets Middle Of The Night Toilet Seat

Author:Rita Rudner

“I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.”

Want Feels Children Hours Comedy My Friends Labor Parenting Witty Feel Good Scare

Author:Rita Rudner

“I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.”

Want Laughing Middle Tables Envelopes Make You Laugh Pushing The Envelope

Author:Rita Rudner

“I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.”

Knows Want Children Stills Enough Humor Care Funny Young Parent Comedy Take Care Pregnancy

Author:Rita Rudner

“My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.”

Want Age Comedy Husband Fake Necks Sarcasm Sarcastic My Husband This Day Ironic Jewels Want Something Jewelry Fake People Paranoid Necklaces Jewellery

Author:Rita Rudner

“I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.”

People Thinking Want Years Country Saws Return Good Times Had A Good Time

Author:Rita Rudner

“I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.”

Want Lost Panic

Author:Rita Rudner

“When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.”

Knows Want Children Ends Sometimes Relationship Love You Dating Mark Our Children Your Children Funny Relationship You Know I Love You

Author:Rita Rudner

“You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.”

Knows Want Hands Funny Love Holding Hands Humorous Love Funny Falling In Love

Author:Rita Rudner

“When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?”

Men Want Lost Break Heartache

Author:Rita Rudner

“I was going with someone for a few years, but we broke up. It was one of those things. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want him to.”

Want Years Wanted Married Broke Heartache Want Him Broke Up

Author:Rita Rudner

About the Author

Born: September 17, 1953
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 192

Related Topics

Funny Men Humor Ifs Want Knows Husband Thinking Comedy People Looks My Husband Said Witty Feels Mother Children Ends Firsts Jobs

Popular Topics

People Ifs Thinking Knows Men World Way Want Love Life Inspirational Needs Giving Feels Should Writing Trying Years Mind Firsts

Books & Sources

Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing NatureRelated source material

I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a FiftysomethingRelated source material

Tickled Pink: A Comic NovelRelated source material

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