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Rita Rudner

Rita Rudner Quotes

Comedian

Rita Rudner, born on September 17, 1953, is a renowned American comedian. Her career began in the 1980s, and she gained widespread recognition for her unique sense of humor and witty dialogue. Rudner is known for her performances in television, radio, and on stage, with her work often exploring themes such as women, marriage, and family.

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Famous Rita Rudner Quotes

“Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.”

Thinking Men Giving Heart Stills Night Walks Middle Baby Get Up Bottles Middle Of The Night Diapers

Author:Rita Rudner

“Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.”

People Ifs Thinking Men Years Play Sports Arms Old Man Sixty Bowls Super Bowl

Author:Rita Rudner

“Natural childbirth scares me. I think before you have natural childbirth you should find out how big the baby is. Three pounds -- natural childbirth. Anything over three pounds -- heroin.”

Thinking Should Bigs Three Natural Baby Pounds Scare Childbirth Heroin Natural Childbirth

Author:Rita Rudner

“All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.”

Thinking Men Humor Funny Guy Names Nice Lists Contact Nice Guy

Author:Rita Rudner

“If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.”

Ifs Thinking Men Humor Might Funny Jobs Theory Dating Surprise Butterfly Nasty Psychiatrist New Job Cocoons Mr Right

Author:Rita Rudner

“My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.”

Thinking Men Looks Mean Pain Guy Parent Husband Prepared Glad Jewelry Earrings

Author:Rita Rudner

“Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.”

People Thinking Law Answers Wife Phones Rings

Author:Rita Rudner

“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.”

“Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.”

People Thinking Men Humor Funny Comedy Stupid Opposites Breasts

Author:Rita Rudner

“I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.”

Thinking Writing Jokes

Author:Rita Rudner

“I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.”

People Thinking Want Years Country Saws Return Good Times Had A Good Time

Author:Rita Rudner

“I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.”

Ifs Thinking Home Running Morning Healthy Runners Inspirational Running Tempting Jogging Funny Running

Book:Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature

Source: Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature

“You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.”

Thinking Knows Funny Mask Scream Airplane Oxygen

Author:Rita Rudner

“My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.”

Ifs Thinking Inspirational Helping Sports Rooms Watches Cases Player Trouble Team Television Husband Phones Coaches My Husband Living Room

Author:Rita Rudner

About the Author

Born: September 17, 1953
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 192

Related Topics

Funny Men Humor Ifs Want Knows Husband Thinking Comedy People Looks My Husband Said Witty Feels Mother Children Ends Firsts Jobs

Popular Topics

People Ifs Thinking Knows Men World Way Want Love Life Inspirational Needs Giving Feels Should Writing Trying Years Mind Firsts

Books & Sources

Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing NatureRelated source material

I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a FiftysomethingRelated source material

Tickled Pink: A Comic NovelRelated source material

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